THE MAGNIFICENT TALE OF THE BALDS
CHAPTER 9: THE WAY OF THE BLADE
Bald Ben stumbled into a park a few miles from Dulak. He was breathless from running for the first time in his life, and he was terrified that Violin Man was following him still, cursing himself for even thinking for a moment he could take Violin Man alone. He was parched from all of the exercise, so he stopped at a street vendor and purchased a soda, a "Mister Pepper", the Doctor Pepper of this part of the world, who did not have a medical license. He slumped onto a bench and began to drink his beverage when he became startled by someone approaching. He was about to throw his bottle of Mister Pepper when he realised that it was just a postman. The postman approached Bald Ben and handed him a glass bottle
"This message in a bottle we found on the beach is addressed to you," said the postman.
"How do you know I'm Bald Ben?".
"I'm a really good postman" explained to the postman as he walked away.
Bald Ben attempted to shake the paper out of the bottle, but it had become slightly too large to fit through the hole as it had unrolled inside of the bottle. Bald Ben then tried to shove his rotund fingers into the glass but was unable to get more than his fingertip inside. Bald Ben became enraged and gripped the bottle, steaming with anger. He gripped the bottle so hard that the glass shattered in his hand, making blood pour out from his palm. Bald Ben ignored this and picked up the now attainable paper. He examined it and found that it was a deliveroo receipt, and upon closer inspection, he recognised Bald Leon's distinct penmanship. He opened the receipt and began to read the note.
Dear Bald Ben, I am writing you this note as my phone has, unfortunately, run out of battery. Luckily before it did, we ordered a deliveroo from England to the island and stole the delivery guy's pedalo, It will be a 2-week journey but by the time you get this letter we should be almost there, I hope Violin Man has returned as we are due our duel soon.
Signed... Bald Leon
PS I made friends with an intelligent finger monkey and wiped out a tribe with the common cold by coughing on one of them haha.
Bald Ben finished reading the note, scrunched it up and tossed it over his shoulder. He got up and began to walk to the village neighbouring Dulak, as he had been told that they have an internet cafe. When he got to the village he went straight to the cafe and ordered 2 hours of internet access and went straight onto his favourite NSFW website. He began to whack one out in the internet cafe, while the rest of the customers of the cafe stared in awe and shock, some even retching as this obese man pleasured himself publicly, dead to the world, as if no one else was there. Bald Ben's concentration was broken when his email account pinged. He had received an email from the school intended for his parents (he had given the school a fake email). The email included his term report so he opened it. He was confused to find that he had received exceptional grades in the last term, which was strange because he and Bald Leon had not been in school for some time, as they could not be arsed to go anymore and had gone to Dulak instead. Before he could question it further, he received a call from Bald Leon on skype. He answered the call and Bald Leon's face filled his screen. Bald Leon looked the same as he did the day he fell out of the plane, almost 2 weeks ago, his beard had not grown and his suit was in immaculate condition.
"Alright Bald Leon"
"Alright Bald Ben"
"When did you get here?"
"About 2 hours ago, where is Violin Man? I'm about 7 miles away from Dulak and I can see the smoke"
"He beat me in a fight"
"Haha, pussy your well weak you got beat by a well old man hahaha," Bald Leon said while laughing “I reckon if we add him to the skype call he will agree to a rematch”
“Yeah go on” replied Bald Ben, before selecting Violin man’s number and adding him to the call. It did not take long for Violin Man to join the call from his phone.
“What the fuck do you greasy bastards want?” Violin man asked
“Rematch” mumbled bald ben
“Since you levelled Dulak, we should have the rematch in Dhaka and ill scrap you this time as well,” bargained Bald Leon
Violin Man thought about the Bald's request. Having them both in the same place would give him a chance to kill them both at the same time, even if he would be walking into a trap, But since he had TWO forever pebbles, and he was pretty sure the Bald's didn't even have any, He would have every advantage. "I'll be there at dusk in 2 days." Violin Man said before instantly leaving the call.
"I need to go shopping for a new sword. The airport security still have mine" said Bald Leon
"You know what that means!" Bald Ben shouted with excitement
They both jumped in the air and shouted "SHOPPING TRIP" very excited. Almost loud enough to drown out the sounds of fire engines headed to Dulak. Or the crumbling of buildings in Dulak. Or the screams from Dulak. Or the sound of a thousand souls being vanquished at once, doomed to reside in the void for eternity. The shout was loud. But not quite loud enough.
They travelled to Dhaka, a place where trade routes meet and merchants sold. A place with a very lucrative weapons market, which would be invaluable to Bald Leon. He and Bald Ben went window shopping, peering into stores. They passed a swordsmith, and something in the window caught Bald Leon's eye.
"Wooooow The Hachiwari 3000, it's the fastest one yet!”
Bald Leon went into the store and picked up the blade, it shimmered in the light and made an ominous hum as it was taken from its sheet. Bald Leon looked towards the shops training dummy, which was actually just a dwarf wearing the top half of a mannequin on his shoulders. Bald Leon slashed the sword in three quick strokes, taking a mere 2 seconds to complete the exercise.
“Wow the stabbing capacity has been increased to 50 Frames per second!” gawked Bald Leon.
"Ahhhh, I see you taken interest in the Hachiwari 3000," said the shopkeeper.
"Yes, she's a fine blade, how much for it?" Questioned Bald Leon.
"2000-" says the shopkeeper.
"Are you mad! I don't have that kind of money! And it's only worth 900 at most anyway!" Shouted Bald Leon.
"It's not money. Our currency is Rupees" the shopkeeper explained. He stood up and walked to the window. He stared longingly out of the window while holding the Hachiwari 3000.
"I used to be a warrior you know?" said the shopkeeper.
"Well I'm one now, so just fucking give it here” demanded Bald Leon completely uninterested in anything that the shopkeeper would have to say. The shopkeeper ignored Bald Leon to tell his story.
"I was a great warrior. I killed one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine men with this blade in 2 months. My last fight was with Rahabbi Alatosh, a man I'm sure you are familiar with. We were brothers in arms, friends even, but we were put in a position where we had to fight each other, for our families. I had him on the ropes but I didn't want to kill him. So I decided to let up a bit, hoping that he’d yield to me and surrender, so we could both live. He took this as a sign I was getting tired, and he took this opening to kick the shit out of me. He was relentless, beating me to a pulp. I couldn't block everything. I went down and as I tried to get up again he chopped off my leg. I did not want to die, but he was not as forgiving as I, so I had to yield. My family shamed me and kicked me out of the house, I was homeless and I had to leave Dulak... I'm glad that place is gone." The shopkeeper paused mournfully.
"So can I have the sword," asked Bald Leon
"This sword will not sell for any price, It will only be your's if you can promise it will take a life. The weapon has a certain… sentimental value. The number is so close and not quite over 2000. It devalues it significantly"
"give me the sword and I will kill violin man with it. He killed Rahabi, so he will be avenged if you let me do it," says Bald Leon.
"AVENGE HIM? WERE YOU NOT LISTENING TO WHAT THAT BASTARD DID TO ME! WHAT HE TOOK! I would have wanted you to Kill that bastard Alatosh, but since someones beat you to it, his son will have to do, a man named Julian Alatosh. He’s the only Alatosh, left alive, and with their bloodline eliminated, I would be the last living Dulak warrior, and therefore the greatest!" The Shopkeeper shouted, a manic expression on his face.
"Fine, Julian Alatosh is as good as dead, give me the sword" Demanded Bald Leon
"Good... good. Julian can be found in London, he moved there some time ago, he's a very successful businessman, and soon to be a dead man" Chuckled the shopkeeper.
Bald Leon took the sword, and he and Bald Ben went to the local McDonald's to wait for a couple days for the battle with Violin Man. A few days later, the Bald's travelled to the Dhaka arena. Violin Man was already inside, and the crowd was roaring in anticipation for the duel they were about to witness. The Bald's entered to duelling zone, Bald Ben taking his position as Bald Leon's assistant. Bald Leon and Violin Man walked to the centre of the arena, a few paces away from each other. their eyes locked and their hand's hovering expectantly over their chosen weapons. Bald Leon looked Violin Man up and down and whispered in his ear "You look like you have mascara on, haha that's well gay!"
Violin Man ignores him and puts on his sunglasses, hiding his mascara covered eyes.
The referee came between the two, pushing them apart.
"I want a clean fight. if your opponent says yield you stop trying to kill him. That's the rules get to your corners." instructed the referee.
They both walk back to opposite corners, Bald Leon unsheathes his new sword and holds it by his side with the blade pointing away from him. Violin Man takes his Violin out of its case and secures the stones he has procured into its base, granting him the powers that they hold. He holds it up to his chin and gets ready to play.
"ROUND ONE. GO!" shouts the referee.
The pair charge together, weapons are drawn in an instant, and the sound of metal against violin wood fills the arena. Both fighters take every opening they see to attack their opponent, and both fighters block every single attack put towards them. Violin Man tries to put some distance between himself and Bald Leon, which would allow him to do his ranged attacks, but Bald Leon is relentless in his onslaught, not giving Violin Man the opportunity to play his Violin.
"While you were out there getting with girls and going to parties I mastered the way of the Blade" boasted Bald Leon.
Bald Leon ducked one of Violin Man's attacks, giving Bald Leon the chance to slash at Violin Man's legs. Violin Man quickly backed away from this attack, but not quite quick enough. Bald Leon had not dismembered Violin Man, but he had drawn blood.
"That all you got" asked Bald Leon in a cocky manner.
“Fuck off” Violin Man replied bluntly, not wanting to engage in any fight banter.
Violin man raised the violin to strike down on Bald Leon, forcing Bald Leon to raise his sword in anticipation of the block, but as he does this, Violin Man raised his knee into Bald Leon's chest winding him, and as he stumbled back, Violin Man smashes him over the head with the instrument. Bald Leon's head was bleeding, a similar-sized wound to that he had given Violin Man.
"That felt like a slap from my twin brother Bald Noel, and he has no powers. Pathetic” Bald Leon said to unnerve Violin Man.
As the two got ready to rush each other again, the bell chimed for the end of round one. Bald Ben enters Bald Leon's corner.
"Come on Bald Leon we need more aggression out of you. Twat the bastard over the head and then stab him in his fucking balls” Bald Ben shouted, trying to pump Bald Leon up for the next round. Bald Ben looked over to their opponent, who did not have a coach and was just staring at them through his black-rimmed sunglasses.
Bald Ben looks back to Bald Leon “Look at me, Bald Leon. end it. stab him and make him bleed"
The bell chimed for the end of the inter round break.
"Round 2! you ready," asked the referee.
Violin Man nodded to the referee as he approached the middle of the arena, Bald Leon joined him as the pair once again faced off
“I'm ending you this round” Violin Man says to Bald Leon through gritted teeth.
“Alright” replied Bald Leon, but he was not quite sure what he had said, because he was thinking about salami.
The bell chimes for the next round and the two warriors begin to charge. Violin Man slides through Bald Leon’s legs knocking him over, and he began to play his Violin before Bald Leon could recover, unleashing energy bolts in Bald Leon's direction. Bald Leon dodged the first two, but the fourth caught him, knocking him over. He quickly got to his feet before the fourth blast hit him, and he deflected it with his sword, using it like a lightsaber. Violin Man kept up the musical barrage, but Bald Leon was defusing the energy and slowly approaching Violin Man. Violin Man had to switch to his backup plan, he tuned into the power of the warrior pebble, which increased the power of his attacks tenfold, Bald Leon's blocking was instantly smashed through, and he wasn't just knocked over, he was blasted across the arena into the opposite wall.
“HEY!” the referee shouted. “Absolutely NO forever pebble use allowed! I'm docking a point from your final score for that”
“fine, don't need them anyway” Replied Violin Man
Bald Ben helped Bald Leon to his feet and escorted him to their corner. Because Violin Man had broken the rules, the round was given to Bald Leon, meaning that when combat resumed they would be in the third and final round. For the first time in his long life, Bald Leon felt exhausted. Luckily for him, Violin man wasn't doing very well either. The bell chimed for the start of round three, and Bald Leon caught Violin Man off guard with a completely off the wall manoeuver, throwing his sword like a javelin straight at Violin Man. The move paid off for Bald Leon, as because Violin Man was not able to predict the move, he was slow to block it, and he had been disarmed of his Violin. The two now unarmed men approached each other to slug it out with punches, But Violin Man sprinted into Bald Leon tackling him and pinning him to the ground. Violin Man then started relentlessly beating on Bald Leon, who couldn't block many of the blows as they are coming too hard and fast. Bald Leon quickly raised his leg, smashing it into Violin Man's crotch, popping one of his testicles. Bald Leon got up, blood dripping from his nose and mouth grabbed Violin Man by his collar and punched him repeatedly in the face. Violin Man's face quickly became bloody and bruised, but before Bald Leon could finish him off, the bell rang for the end of the match.
Bald Leon collapsed, resisting the urge to murder Violin Man right then and there, but facing the consequences of being known as dishonourable for fighting an injured man outside of ritual combat, and that kind of reputation would make his life and his goals very hard. He decided to spare Violin Man this time, who was being helped to his feet by the referee.
“After great consideration, the judges have decided the result of the match...” The referee paused for effect “WE HAVE A DRAW”
The crowd begin to cheer for the result, but Bald Leon and Violin man just stared at each other, uncaring of the result, only caring that they had failed in killing their enemy.
The press came into the ring and approached Violin Man.
"So after your amazing performance it came down to equal points, but if you hadn't had used the forever pebbles you would have won, how does that feel," they asked.
Wanting to keep up the facade of being a man of honour Violin Man decided he may as well be interviewed. "I feel absolutely distraught. but it's all about the fun. I know I'm the real winner here I made a mistake, but I hope we can go again someday" He said that last part while staring menacingly at Bald Leon.
The Press approached Bald Leon. "How do you feel about the draw?" Questioned Joe Rogan.
Bald Leon also felt it would be better to continue to keep up the idea that this was a friendly match. "Well I feel like a won that match really, but you know the judges are probably shit scared Violin Man will kill their families, but I've been battling since the stone age I know all the tricks and he’s sloppy and predictable"
Bald Leon, Bald Ben and Gerkin decided it would be best to go home and formulate a plan, plus Bald Ben needed to go home so he could use his phone charger. They checked out of their hotel room and booked a flight to Manchester, and set off for the taxi depot, broken and defeated.
please follow for more alerts and the next chapter in the balds story
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