THE DISASTROUS TALE OF THE BALDS.
CHAPTER 13: CAPTURED
Bald Leon and Bald Ben each sat on the end of their respective beds in their cells. The cells were dark and dingy, due to the fact that the prison level was underground, preventing any natural light from entering, and allowing moisture from the surrounding earth to seep in. Both men had been fitted with a thick metal shock collar which could be remotely controlled to stun them in the event of non-compliance. Bald Ben fidgeted as he sat, angry and seething at the situation, but Bald Leon was having a completely different reaction. Bald Leon's plan was going exactly according to his plan. Gerkin was skulking around in the air vents, and at any moment he would break back into the prison wing, release his two Bald accomplices, and then all three of them would scour the prison wing for Bald Jack, release him, and all four of them would get out, leaving an explosive surprise for the Agency to prevent them from tracking any more balds.
Unfortunately, Bald Ben had not been privy to this plan.
"I can't believe I followed your stupid fucking plan. If you'd have listened to me at any point I wouldn't be in a fucking cell. I've spent all my life ignoring court orders to keep myself out of prison and now I've been thrown in one without a trial" grumbled Bald Ben
"I didn't listen to you 'cause you're a fucking retard. Everything is fine" whispered Bald Leon through the bars of his cell.
"I'm a retard? You're the one who trusted the Agency. From day fucking one I said I didn't like these guys, and I walked out. I said we shouldn't attack them because they can track us, and surprise surprise, we got caught. I told you the creator was a twat and we can't trust him and-"
"We still don't know if the Creator is part of this. All we know is that he's missing. You saw his office, empty. So he either left in a hurry or the Agency is trying to make it look like he was never here. Both of those points to him not being on their team if you ask me." explained Bald Leon
"That's a pretty big what if, and you're ignoring what I just said about the other times you ignored me"
"I've got the guidance and you don't so wind your neck in. I'm literally the most qualified to come up with a plan and you're just some argumentative twat, so shut the fuck up and wait for Gerkin to come and get us"
As if on queue, they heard the door at the end of the corridor slide open. However, it wasn't Gerkin who came plodding in front of the jail bars, but Agent Davidson, accompanied by four soldiers. They stopped outside Bald Leon's cell. Agent Davidson held up a small remote and hit the button, activating Bald Leon's shock collar, forcing him to writhe on the ground in pain. As he writhed, the jail bars opened and the soldiers charged in, bound his hands and legs, and carried him out of the cell, with Agent Davidson following close behind, stepping through the door that slid shut behind him.
Bald Ben was once again left alone. Internally, he cursed Bald Leon, but he still felt angry that someone electrocuted his friend. He stood up, searching his cell for anything he could potentially use for an escape. The bed was a flat, smooth slab, so he couldn't pull out a spring for the metal. There were no windows in the cell itself, so escaping out that way was impossible too. There were no other pieces of furniture in the cell to speak of, but there was a toilet. Bald Ben inspected the toilet. There was no way he could squeeze through the pipes, even if he wasn't a fat piece of shit. He inspected the bars of the cell. As he approached he felt the shock collar begin to hum, deterring him from touching the bars. He deduced that touching the bars would likely automatically activate the shock collar, electrocuting him, and probably alerting the guards to his escape attempt. He sat back down on the bench. He decided that his best option would be to wait for the soldiers to come back and then for him to find a way to attack them before they could shock him. It wasn't the best plan, but it was the only one he had.
Bald Ben heard a noise. He immediately braced himself for an electric shock, but he then realised that the noise he heard was not the sliding door in the corridor, and was coming from inside his cell. He looked at the toilet, which was making a strange metal creaking sound. Bald Ben stood up to investigate, standing over the toilet and looking into the bowl, which was acting as a speaker, amplifying the noise coming from within the pipes. A hand shot out from the bottom of the bowl, making Bald Ben jump back in fright. Once he composed himself he looked back into the bowl to see Gerkin's face, as he tried to squeeze himself through the U-Bend.
"Thank god I got the right cell, I've been crawling through sewage pipes for an hour trying to find the right place" replied the damp finger Monkey
"You fucking stink lad" Bald Ben informed Gerkin
"I know, I know. Let's just get out of here and get Bald Leon"
"He's not here, soldiers come and grabbed him"
"So we've got to find him as well... great"
"So we've got to find him as well... great"
Gerkin walked up to the bars and pressed his body against them. The bars were so tight that there was no way that Bald Ben would fit through, and as they were the standard bars for an Agency cell, it was even a squeeze for Gerkin to fit through. Gerkin got his head through, but before he could even try to squeeze his body through, Bald Ben 'helped' him, by giving him a hard kick from behind to push him through the rest of the way. Gerkin's body flew through the air and slammed into the concrete wall opposite the cell, leaving a cracked indentation at the collision site. Gerkin pulled himself back onto his feet and inspected the outside of the cell.
There was a small screen adjacent to Bald Ben's cell, manifesting information on Bald Ben, as well as housing some controls for the cell. Gerkin climbed up to the screen and tapped two buttons, disabling Bald Ben's collar and opening the cell door. The collar clattered to the ground as Bald Ben stepped out into the corridor.
"If we're going to break Bald Leon out, we're gonna need more help. We couldn't do this on our own last time" said Bald Ben
"Let's see who else is here" replied Gerkin
The pair strolled down the corridor, reading the information on each control panel on the captured inmates. Many of the potential candidates seemed far too unstable to be trusted. Bald Ben and Gerkin deciphered that the prisoners were categorised by how dangerous they were. Many of these prisoners were only regarded as mildly dangerous, but Bald Ben and Gerkin were happy to take anyone who would cooperate. The first promising candidate was a man who could only be described as having unimaginable rizz. Inside a jail cell was a Leon variant who was dressed from head to toe in designer clothing and "icebox" brand jewellery.
"Who are you?" asked Bald Ben
"The names Icebox Leon" replied Icebox Leon
"What can you do?" asked Gerkin
"I've got fuck loads of money and fuck loads of drip"
"Can you fight?" asked Gerkin
"I mean my day job is a fashion designer and I kill most of my competitors, so yeah"
Gerkin and Bald Ben looked at each other. Gerkin had a look of worry, but Bald Ben had a grin on his face.
"You wanna get out of here?" asked Bald Ben
"go ed"
Bald Ben hit the button opening Icebox Leon's cell door. Icebox Leon did not have the same shock collar that Bald Ben and Bald Leon had been forced to wear, which led Bald Ben to think that the Agency perceived the two of them as a more volatile threat. The trio wandered further down the corridor, examining cells. The next cell held a Ben variant, whose name was Jack O TV HD.
"What you in for?" enquired Bald Ben
"I challenged this Youtuber called Jack O TV to a boxing match, and after the match, the Agency found out that I'm something called a bald, so they've kept me here since, it's been fucking years" replied Jack O TV HD
Bald Ben looked into the eyes of this strange parallel of himself. It was strange to look at a person with the same face as himself, like a version of him from another timeline, but it wasn't that, it was a different person entirely, standing right in front of him. He released Jack O TV HD from his cell.
"I guess you can fight then if you're a boxer?" asked Bald Ben
"Yeah. I wanna box some heads off for keeping me in here for so long"
the ever-expanding team continued the recruitment process. The next cell held another potential candidate, but it also held a compelling conundrum. The information screen stated that this man was another Ben variant, but he didn't look anything like Bald Ben or Jack O TV HD. The screen stated the prisoner's name was American Bald Ben, and that he also went by the alias 'Michael Daddy'. The man also seemed to be several years older than Bald Ben, with a withered face of a person in their mid-60s. Like Bald Ben he also had a large frame, but the man also had several tattoos, and blonde facial hair, as opposed to Bald Ben's dark stubble.
"Who are you then?" asked Bald Ben
"The names Michael," replied American Bald Ben bluntly
"Why does it say you're a bald with the same energy as me?"
"Do I look like I know what the fuck a Bald is?" he answered in a thick Southern state drawl
"So since you're an American I bet you're good with guns and shit?"
"That's a pretty horrible assumption. But yeah. I know how to handle a piece."
Bald Ben freed the American and they all walked to the next cell over. The screen indicated that the prisoner was a Leon variant, by the name of Jack O TV 240p. Bald Ben looked at Jack O TV HD.
"Do you know this guy?" he asked
"No idea" replied Jack O TV HD
"Oi, Jack O TV 240p, how long have you been here?"
"Not long, I got brought in by some guy called Bald Leon and his mate Bald Jack"
"Oh, right. He's my mate. Basically, they didn't realise the Agency were the baddies and he thought you needed to be captured"
"So they were just following orders? That's a pretty shitty excuse."
"Who do you hate more, them or the people who made them do it?" asked Gerkin
"I mean I guess if they really didn't know then it's fair enough. You're saying the Agency knows I didn't do anything?"
"Yeah. They've been behind all this," replied Bald Ben
"Fine, I'll help you. Now get me out of here!"
Gerkin jumped up and punched the cell door release button. There was only one more cell left in the corridor. Inside the cell was the man who had first raised Bald Jack's suspicions surrounding the Agency. K-Pop Leon sat on the end of the bed inside the cell.
"Wanna break out of prison?" asked Bald Ben
"당신은 머리가 꽤 빛나고 있습니다, 내 못생긴 친구." replied K-Pop Leon
"...what?"
"내 말을 이해하기에는 당신이 너무 멍청하다고 생각합니까?"
"Ok. We're gonna let you out" said Bald Ben
"나는 당신의 절망적인 전투에 참여하는 것이 아니라 수행하고 싶습니다."
"We're gonna go and fight some twats. you're joining in" ordered Bald Ben
The group moved back through the corridor towards the archives, to get back into the main agency and eventually, out to freedom. They stepped through a corridor on the final stretch of the archive doorway, but the group accidentally triggered a hidden laser tripwire that had been put in place by Agent Davidson as he left with Bald Leon earlier, as he had predicted that Bald Ben would attempt some form of escape. What he hadn't predicted though, was that Bald Ben wouldn't be alone.
Soldiers flooded into the corridor to battle the squad of escapees. Gerkin charged ahead first, diving into the face of the first soldier to reach him. Jack O TV HD started throwing punches left and right, each punch a total knockout. American Bald Ben held back but picked up a rifle from one of the fallen soldiers and started taking potshots whenever he had a clear view of a target, not risking any friendly fire. Jack O TV 240p ran through the crowd of soldiers, trying his best to fight, but he was quickly overwhelmed and disappeared into the crowd. K-Pop Leon and Icebox Leon saw this and both decided to play it safe, standing beside American Bald Ben and only fighting if soldiers got too close to them. Bald Ben had run straight into the middle of the fight and was receiving and dispensing attacks at a constant rate. Gerkin jumped from soldier to soldier and landed on Bald Ben's shoulder. Gerkin had procured a pistol from one of the soldiers, and stood on Bald Ben's back, shooting anyone who tried to attack Bald Ben from behind. Bald Ben shoved a group of soldiers off of him at once, and as they collapsed onto the ground, Bald Ben could see an additional person lying on the ground where they had landed. It was Jack O TV 240p.
"Gerkin quick! Check him." he shouted
Gerkin scurried off of Bald Ben's shoulder and onto the floor next to Jack O TV 240p. He shook him and found he was unresponsive. He checked his pulse.
"He's dead."
Bald Ben was taken aback.
"Everyone, get close to me. I'm gonna get us through!" Bald Ben shouted to the escapees.
His remaining allies got close and continued fighting. Bald Ben took the additional reinforcements as an opportunity to charge through the soldiers, parting them like the red sea. The prisoners followed close behind in the gap left, stepping over the fallen soldiers. They all got to the end of the corridor, With American Bald Ben running ahead with his gun to make sure they weren't about to be ambushed a second time, as Bald Ben and Jack O TV HD pushed the door shut, while Icebox Leon and K-Pop Leon pulled a bookshelf over to barricade the door. The soldiers hammered on the door, but it would not budge.
"What the hell was that G? They fucking clapped Jack O TV 240p!" ranted Icebox Leon
"We were never all gonna get out of there," said American Bald Ben
"What? How the fuck can you say that? He was one of us! You're acting like his death doesn't mean anything!"
"It doesn't. Or at least it won't if we don't avenge him," said Gerkin
Everyone went quiet to listen to the Marmoset.
"The Agency still has Bald Leon hidden away somewhere, and The Creator disappeared too. We need to find those two, Destroy the tracking facilities so that they can't just recapture any of you, and kill the people behind all of this"
"So Agent Davidson?" asked Jack O TV HD.
"No... I think this goes even higher than him" said Bald Ben.
Elsewhere in the facility, Bald Leon was brought into yet another interrogation room. He still felt somewhat optimistic, the last time he was dragged into an interrogation room, he befriended the supreme leader of North Korea, so maybe he'd be able to weasel his way out of trouble this time too. The shock collar, still attached to his neck, was beginning to rub on his skin, irritating it. He slowly and carefully turned his head to look around the room. It was a large, plainly decorated room. A metal table which he was handcuffed to, and two metal chairs on the other side of the table, identical to the one he was sitting on. Although he couldn't turn all the way around to see, he could sense the presence of two guards standing behind him against the door. A box light emitted a yellow glow, lighting up the room, and humming quietly. Agent Davidson slivered into the room and stood next to the chair opposite Bald Leon.
"I'm glad you're home Bald Leon. We couldn't do this next part without you"
"Where's The Creator! Where is my Grandad!" shouted Bald Leon
"Oh, he's here. But you can't see him yet. He isn't ready. So what made you come back? Thought you could take us head-on? This Agency has operated since the second world war, monitoring extra normative individuals, and you didn't even notice us. Too busy fighting Violin Men, and wiping out uncontacted tribes I guess. Did I ever tell you the aim of the Agency? The Agency exists to monitor and counter threats, primarily from 'Balds'. Part of that countering is the systematic elimination of the larger threats after they've served their purpose of course."
"Is that why you took the Creator? So you could use him and kill him?"
"Hmm? Oh no. His use was completely different"
"Well what was it"
"Well what was it"
"I believe the term is visionary!" said a voice from behind.
Bald Leon tried to turn his head to see, but the restraints prevented him. The voice entered the room and walked around the table, sitting at the chair Agent Davidson was guarding.
"Hello Bald Leon. Welcome to my Agency" said The Creator
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