THE DISASTROUS TALE OF THE BALDS.
CHAPTER 12: INFILTRATION
It was a quiet night. A stolen agency SUV sat on the kerb around the block from the Agency headquarters. Inside of the car were two bald men and a monkey.
"They already know we're here, what's the point in going in quietly?" asked Bald Ben.
"The long-range detectors won't be able to work out where we are exactly, just that we're close, and the short-range detectors have a limited effective range. So the longer we keep out of that range by being stealthy, the better," explained Bald Leon
"I've just thought, can they detect Gerkin?" asked Bald Ben
"Hmmm, I don't know. We both share bald waves with other balds, which is how they can track us, but I don't think there's anyone like Gerkin. At least there hasn't been one that's been captured. Gerkin might be the key to all this." said Bald Leon
"What would you like me to do then?" asked Gerkin
"If things go wrong and we get caught, you need to hide in the vents so that you can get us out later on"
"Got it"
Bald Leon and Bald Ben stepped out of the car, while Gerkin jumped out the sunroof and onto Bald Leon's shoulder. Bald Ben followed Bald Leon around the base to a secondary entrance for deliveries. This entrance, unlike the main entrance, had more visible guards instead of the hidden and submerged gun placements and guards on the other side of the doors. Despite being less discreet, this gateway was still relatively secretive. The guards who were posted outside carried hidden weapons and were dressed in high visibility jackets to disguise them as standard security on the industrial estate instead of highly qualified secret agents. This gave the balds an advantage, as due to the disguise, these guards couldn't carry heavy weaponry, so taking them out would be much easier. Bald Leon crouched down on an embankment below the pavement on the opposite side of the road to the gate.
"Are you ready Gerkin?" asked Bald Leon
"What for?"
Bald Leon gripped Gerkin's tiny body in his hand, wound up his arm, and threw Gerkin high into the sky. Gerkin screamed his tiny lungs out as he fell back towards the ground, landing on top of one of the guards, who was floored by the impact alone. Gerkin was quick to his feet, running up the leg of the other guard, grabbing his ears, and rocking his head back and forward. Bald Leon and Bald Ben ran across the road. Bald Ben sat on the guard who Gerkin had floored, and Bald Leon gut-punched the one Gerkin was currently attacking, before breaking his neck. Bald Ben got up off of the crushed man's body, while Bald Leon pulled the key card from the guard he and Gerkin had just murdered and approached the door. The card opened the door, granting the group access to the Agency delivery bay.
The trio dropped to the floor and hid behind a stack of boxes. The unauthorised opening of the door caught the attention of some other personnel inside the delivery bay. The three infiltrators crawled passed the passing agents to the back end of the room and snuck in through the half-open door the agents had used. They went down a long sloped corridor and entered the hangar. Bald Leon had never realised quite how long the internal hangar was, but now that he had to crawl along its entire length, he certainly noticed.
"We need to get to mine and Bald Jack's room. It's on the opposite end of the runway" said Bald Leon
"Fucking hell this is taking ages" complained Bald Ben
"It could be worse, It's taking me even longer cause of my stumpy legs," said Gerkin
After an hour of crawling, they reached the beginning of the runway and hid alongside a jet, waiting for the coast to be clear. There were two guards on the hangar side of the door into the corridor they needed to use to get to Bald Leon's quarters. Unlike the guards outside of the base, these guards were fully armed and covered in armour. Bald Leon had a dangerous idea. He approached the control panel for the turntable which the jet they were using as cover was situated on, while Gerkin climbed inside the cockpit. Bald Leon made the turntable pivot to point the jet directly at the doors the guards were protecting, and Gerkin punched the controls on the jet, turning on the machine guns mounted on the wings, painting the back wall in bullet holes, and turning the guards into a red mist.
"If they didn't know we were here, they do now!" shouted Gerkin
Bald Leon and Bald Ben ran for the door which had been blown open, Gerkin close behind. They found that the jet's gunfire had blown through the wall, injuring and killing many agents on the other side. They ran past the carnage to Bald Leon and Bald Jack's quarters, but they found that the room had been stripped empty.
"What now?" asked Bald Ben
"The Creator's room" commanded Bald Leon
They ran to the creator's office, just as the alarm began to ring out. They kicked the door into the Creator's office but found it empty, not stripped out like the quarters had been, but empty nonetheless. Bald Leon could think of only one other option. The secret prison. He led the trio to the archives and to the secret door. There wasn't time to search for the secret access button, so he asked Bald Ben to help. Bald Ben ran into the door as fast as his chubby legs would carry him and fell through the bookcase and into the hidden corridor. As Bald Ben hauled himself off of the floor, he realised several guns were pointed at his face. Bald Leon jumped over Bald Ben, tackling the guards aiming at Bald Ben, Gerkin joined the fight, and soon all three were engaging the soldiers in the cramped corridor. Bald Leon was using the corridor itself as a weapon, punching his enemies at such angles as to cause them to ricochet into the walls, knocking them out. Bald Ben was using his bodyweight to bowl his enemies over, while Gerkin used his usual strategy of ripping off faces.
Ultimately, the guards were no match for the warring balds, who quickly overpowered them and continued towards the prison. They got through the door into the cell area and found Agent Davidson waiting with a small army of Agency soldiers.
"Gentlemen, we were wondering when you were going to arrive" he gloated
The soldiers attacked the balds in waves. Bald Leon used his speed to take soldiers out as soon as they were within range in an attempt to reduce the sheer number of enemy combatants. The soldiers tried using their stun sticks on Bald Ben, but the immense layers of fat surrounding him absorbed and dissipated all of the electricity before it could effectively stun him. Gerkin had stolen a pocket knife from one of the downed soldiers and was running between their legs, slashing at them wildly.
The room was too open for Bald Leon to use the environment as a weapon as he had done in the previous corridor, so instead, he used the limp bodies of unconscious soldiers as nunchucks to wipe out the oncoming enemies. One of the soldiers wasn't as unconscious and limp as Bald Leon thought, and while Bald Leon swang the soldier's body around, the soldier used his stun stick on Bald Leon, who was instantly electrocuted and floored by the pain. Bald Leon lay on his back as more soldiers rushed him, beating him down as he lay defenselessly.
More and more soldiers started to pile into the room as backup. Gerkin and Bald Ben were still fighting as Bald Leon tried to get back to his feet, but Bald Ben's luck was also beginning to turn for the worse. The soldiers had abandoned the strategy of trying to stun him, as they had done with Bald Leon, and were instead trying to restrain him en masse. Soldiers piled onto Bald Ben, who did his best to shrug them off, but the sheer numbers were beginning to overwhelm him. Eventually, Bald Ben toppled, with 14 soldiers on top of him.
Bald Leon rolled onto his back to try and fight off the soldiers beating down on him. The electrical effect of the stun stick had left his body, but he was struggling to catch his bearings under the onslaught of attacks. He threw the soldiers off of him, and started fighting the soldiers hand to hand again, but before he could get to many effective attacks in, he was attacked from behind, once again falling to his knees and being restrained.
Gerkin noticed that his two allies had now been restrained. His instincts told him to help, but he remembered how Bald Leon had ordered him to run and hide if they were captured. A soldier dived for Gerkin, but Gerkin slipped through his fingers like a bar of soap. Gerkin ran up the wall and pulled the cover off of an air vent to crawl inside.
Bald Leon and Bald Ben were put into handcuffs and sat down in restraining chairs to keep them in place. Agent Davidson came out of his hiding place now that the battle was won, and decided to gloat.
"Excellent job Bald Leon, now that you're brought your idiot friend here, we don't have to collect him again. I mean what was the plan here gentlemen? Break into the prison and get your pal, Jack? Then what? You know we can already track both of you, and you've already experienced first-hand just how far the Agency can reach, so you couldn't have escaped anywhere that we couldn't find you. So tell me, I'm truly interested... What was the plan?"
Bald Leon and Bald Ben were both quiet.
"Nothing? No poor-timed joke? No offensive statement? No actual, subversive explanation? You are many things gentleman, but I never thought of either of you as boring"
They remained silent.
Agent Davidson stared at both of them, waiting for a response.
"Ok. stick them in the cells"
The soldiers dragged there wounded to the infirmary while guards dragged the balds to some prison cells. Bald Leon sat on the bed of his cell, with Bald Ben in the adjacent cell. A small smile krept across his face.
"Time for phase 2..."
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