THE DISASTROUS TALE OF THE BALDS. CHAPTER 8: THE SUPREME LEADER

THE DISASTROUS TALE OF THE BALDS. 

CHAPTER 8: THE SUPREME LEADER

The prison truck trundled along the dusty road towards the North Korean internment camp. Inside the back of the van sat Bald Leon, Bald Jack, Shellshock and K-pop Leon. The pair were being delivered straight to the POW internment camp without trial. Bald Jack shook with fear.

"How am I going to take my kids to centre parcs now?" he cried out

"Shut up Bald Jack your kids hate you" replied Bald Leon

The truck came to a stop inside of the camp, the group of four were all lifted up and thrown from the back of the truck into the dirt. From there they were hoisted up and dragged into the administrative building. 

Once inside, a General came before them, He had an excessive amount of medals pinned to his uniform, and Bald Leon wondered if he had truly earned any of them. The General began to speak in perfect English.

"The Western world believes that almost 1000 people try and escape this country every year. In reality, the number is much closer to around 3000, but the men under my command take care of most of those before they even reach the border. Now, of course, my job is to stop these people from escaping in case they shed sensitive secrets about our great country, and naturally, it just looks bad if our citizens 'escape' instead of emigrating. But you've put me in the most curious position, where I have to try and decipher why your little band of gentlemen have illegally entered my country. Now obviously you are all HEAVILY armed, but you don't seem to be affiliated with any country's military and you all seem to be from the West. Damned white devils. You may prove useful if you tell us where you're from, so we can arrange a prisoner exchange with the South. If not, then I'm afraid we will have no choice but to declare war on NATO, cause let's all be honest with each other, you are from one of those countries"

The group remained silent, avoiding eye contact with the General.

"Anyone feeling... talkative? No? Okay. You." he pointed at Bald Jack

"no wait, please! I have a divorced wife and children who won't see me! please!" screamed Bald Jack as he was dragged from the room by two soldiers.

Meanwhile back at the airfield, Ji-Hoon received a phone call.

"An incursion? I shall detain the agent immediately" he replied

Ji-Hoon calmly entered the meeting room and sat down opposite Mask.

"I am afraid I have to withdraw the deal, blueprints or not" he explained.

Mask tried to play it cool.

"Oh? I have other information if the schematics are not enough." he offered

"No no. You are going to join your friends who have already been detained. You are under arrest, but unfortunately, a shoot-on-sight order has been issued"

Ji-Hoon dived for Mask who was still sitting down, knocking the chair backwards and Mask onto his back. He started strangling Mask, but before Mask changed a shade several shots rang out and Ji-Hoon fell to the side, lifeless. Mask took the smoking gun out of his jacket which he had now shot through and left the interrogation room, prepared for the worst. 

As he stepped into the corridor, Mask was met with a barrage of automatic rifle fire, forcing him to duck back into the interrogation room. He took out a flashbang grenade and held it ready, He picked up Ji-Hoon's body and held it in front of himself. He tossed the flashbang into the corridor, blinding the soldiers waiting for him to appear, He then charged out into the corridor, utilising Ji-Hoon as a shield as he fired precise shots at the blinded soldiers firing randomly in his direction, with Ji-Hoon absorbing the bullets. He dropped the body, firing a few more shots at the remaining soldier. He then grabbed a rifle from the fallen soldiers, as well as a few clips of ammunition and a couple of grenades.

The end of the corridor opened up into a lobby area, full of more soldiers. He kicked the door wide open, diving behind a receptionist's desk. He threw a grenade over his head in the direction of soldiers, who all scattered as it landed. Mask took the opportunity of them running from cover to fire off a few lucky shots, killing two men and wounding a third, But as he made this shot, the remaining soldiers barraged his position with gunfire, forcing him back into cover. Mask was definitely pinned down.

As he prepared for his next move, a grenade flew over the desk, landing at his feet. He dived back into the corridor, being thrown further into the corridor by the blast. Some of the grenade fragments had implanted themselves in Mask's back, making moving painful and running impossible. He fell to the floor, rolling onto his back, firing a full clip of ammunition into the men who had now run into the corridor after him. He crawled back into the safety of the interrogation room, lying in the doorway and taking pot shots at men as they ran into the corridor, creating a choke point. 

Bullets rang out from the other side of the corridor, as Mask realised he had been flanked. He flipped onto his side, attacking the soldiers coming from the other direction, but while he was attacking these men, Soldiers from the lobby got through the choke point, with one getting a lucky shot on Mask, a bullet going clean through his shoulder. Mask backed up further into the room, now unable to operate the rifle, switching back to his pistol. Every man who came through the door was shot dead, as Mask bled out against the back wall of the interrogation room. 

But then, disaster. Mask's gun clicked, signifying an empty clip, and the last of Mask's ammo. Soldiers entered the room, guns aimed at Mask. Mask raised his arms, the one he'd been shot in much slower, surrendering to the men.

"Look's like you got me fellas..." he said.

One more bullet rang out through the facility, and the North Korean forces confirmed that the incursion had been dealt with.

Meanwhile, in the internment camp near Pyongyang, Bald Jack was having a tooth ripped out. Bald Leon, K-pop Leon and Shellshock all sat waiting, listening to Bald Jack scream out in pain. Shellshock and K-Pop Leon were terrified by the sounds and worried for their new friend, but Bald Leon, as usual, wasn't really bothered about Bald Jack's pain.

"So did anyone see the game last night?" he asked

"What the fuck is wrong with you man?" asked Shellshock in return

The General entered the room again.

"Your friend has yet to divulge any information, however, we have a little treat for you. As I'm sure you know, very few people try and break INTO our country, and as such a very special person would like to meet with you. You will be brought before the Supreme Leader himself."

A squadron of armed guards entered the room and hoisted the prisoners onto their feet, two guards per prisoner. They were once again dragged out into the cold night air and thrown into the back of the truck. The truck drove them into Kim Il Sung square and around the back of yet another administrative building. They were then dragged across the tarmac and into the building, and each person was thrown into their own cell. The cells were all cramped, despite having no furniture or facilities, with a low roof and the only lighting coming from the ceiling box lights in the corridor peeping through the slit in the thick steel door.

Bald Leon was the first to be called forward.

He was taken from his cell and dragged upstairs into an office, which felt more like a library to Bald Leon. It had a high ceiling with bookshelves which spanned the entire height of the wall, only interrupted by large windows which were also almost the size of the walls. Against the middle of the back wall of the office was a carved wooden desk, on which sat a computer and assorted documents. The soldiers threw Bald Leon onto a chair and handcuffed him to it. The chair was surprisingly comfortable, however, it was designed to match the rest of the office furniture.

The soldiers who brought Bald Leon into the room left, and a few seconds later two more entered from another door, and they were accompanied by a short fat man with a round face and hair like a felt-tip pen. The man sat at the desk opposite Bald Leon, as the two soldiers who had come in with him stood either side. This man was Kim Jong-Un, Supreme leader of North Korea.

"So you are the man who comes to my country looking for war?"

"No not-"

"DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS THE SUPREME LEADER ASKS YOU FOR A RESPONSE" barked one of the guards

Kim Jong-Un continued.

"In the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, I'm sure you are aware of the fact that we have a... delicate relationship with our neighbours to the south and their friends in the west. The South's insistence upon collaborating with and bowing down the whims of the Americans is something that we can simply not abide, but a direct incursion from a team of western operatives? Who enters the country illegally and without sanction, kills our people and kidnaps our assets? Surely your superiors know that this would have led to war. So... for the sake of the entire world, and apart from your friends, tell me now. Why are you here?"

Bald Leon sat in silence, awaiting permission to speak. Kim Jong-Un realised he was waiting and gestured his hand at Bald Leon, granting permission.

"We weren't here for any of that. We are tracking down a dangerous creature known as Skinwalker Leon. This creature is something known as a Bald, and like me, it has strange powers. The people who are paying me have developed technology which can track down balds with the same bald energy. Skinwalker Leon had been spotted in China, and the guy who we kidnapped was the nearest signal to the sighting. We had to bring in any Bald with the same signature, cause it means the search gets narrowed down more. What is K-pop Leon anyway?"

"DO NOT ASK THE SUPREME LEADER QUESTION'S. HE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS" barked the guard again

Kim Jong-Un raised his hand to silence the guard.

"That won't be necessary, he is cooperating. Your story is credible. My best scientists have been researching what you call 'bald energy'. We were hoping to use it to gain political and military power, but so far we have only been able to create the perfect musician. Since he had already volunteered for the program, it made sense to deploy him as competition for South Korea's irritating K-pop" explained Kim

"You hate K-pop too huh?"

"On the contrary, I find its power to control the minds of the western youth to be fascinating, I am only irritated that so far we have been unable to match its influence. But when we channelled the bald energy into that volunteer, magic. We didn't get the super soldier we wanted, but we did get influence. K-pop Leon was meant to be deployed on state visits to western countries, like when you send your performers on a world tour, but days before the announcement was made, the asset began displaying anti-Korean beliefs, leading the researchers to believe he planned on defecting to the South, joining one of there mega groups. That's why we had him in that vat until we could show him some sense. So your country really wasn't intending on attacking Korea? Why all the bodies?"

"Thing's went wrong. We were meant to be undetected, but the guy who was supposed to get us through checkpoints unnoticed was captured"

"Yes I'm afraid to inform you that your friend is dead, he attacked an official and then several soldiers, but he was eventually shot"

"No hang on he wasn't my friend. A colleague at most. No him getting captured meant we had to go loud and fast, but we got overwhelmed and captured"

"So the threat of this 'Skinwalker', is so great that you would risk war? What country sent you?"

"It wasn't a country, it was a group called the Agency"

The supreme leader seemed taken aback by the mention of the Agency. He pressed his fingers to his brow, deep in thought. He then gestured to the guard, speaking again in Korean.

"take him to the cell's bring up the next one".

Bald Leon was dragged down the stairs, passing Bald Jack on his way who was being dragged back up in the direction of the office. He was thrown back into his cell where he began to think. Why did he trust the Agency so much? Was it because he could tell how much of a threat Skinwalker Leon was? Was it from Bald Jack's trust and goodwill in everything? Bald Leon was supposed to know everything, but something about the Agency was clouding his judgement, Maybe he was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, or the wrong thing for the right reasons, he just couldn't tell. 

Bald Jack was eventually returned to his cell, and Bald Leon was able to whisper to him through a small crack in the wall.

"What did you tell him, Bald Jack?"

"Well nothing at first, but they tortured me and I told them everything, about how the Agency sent us, and about Skinwalker Leon"

"Yeah I did the same thing"

"How long did they torture you for?" 

"Oh they didn't I just told him cause he asked nicely"

"What? Why? I lost three teeth before I said anything!" 

"Moron" chuckled Bald Leon

Guards once again came for Bald Leon, dragging him back to the office and before the Supreme Leader.

"Your weak friend has corroborated your story, but the other one, with the muscles refused to speak. He will be sent for hard labour, but you... I can work with you. The Agency came to me many years ago and saved my life. One of their Agents had defected and allegedly went insane, decided to start World War Three by killing me and hoping the people would retaliate. The attack failed when they sent some guy with a Dog Lead to stop him. I was indebted to them after that day. It seems like they did not want to repay that debt yet, however, hence the sneaking. I will make contact with the Agency, and arrange a prisoner exchange to earn your freedom, after that, tell the Creator that the debt is paid. Enough of that now, You and your friend are now my esteemed guests! I officially welcome you to the great Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea!"

Bald Leon was uncuffed from the chair, and he, K-Pop Leon and Bald Jack were escorted from the administrative building, out through the front door and into a car. The car they were put in followed the Supreme Leaders' car to his personal residence, where it seemed he was holding a party with high-profile political and military figures. During the drive, Bald Leon discussed his plan with Bald Jack. 

"So it looks like I'm pretty good at this political mumbo jumbo" 

"Does it?" asked a surprised Bald Jack

"Well yeah I got us out of trouble and now after this party were getting sent home"

"I mean isn't that more because of the Agency already being owed a favour by Kim Jong-Un?"

"Nah shut up dickhead. I've had an idea. Since I'm so good with all this political stuff, I'm going to bring about world peace"

"What? How?" 

"All I need is half an hour on a computer with Kim's facebook logged on"

"I just don't think this is going to work out Bald Leon"

"Just keep everyone distracted okay?"

The car arrived at the front door of Kim Jong-Un's house, a surprisingly modest residency for the leader of the country. It had a sleek modern design, with plenty of windows in the front, and a well-kept garden.

They entered the building and upon entering, all of the guests bowed to the supreme leader. Kim accepted the greeting and joined the party, pouring himself a drink and talking to his guests. The Balds milled around the groups of guests, Bald Jack immediately striking up conversations, and Bald Leon not being able to speak a word of the language. Despite Bald Jack being able to speak Korean, No one wanted to talk to him because they found him to be weird. Bald Leon looked to Bald Jack, calling him over.

"You need to distract Kim and his guards so I can slip away and get onto his laptop"

"What am I supposed to do"

"I don't know, but you're the only person out of the two of us who can speak Korean and I don't know whose side K-Pop Leon is on."

"wait... K-Pop Leon... That's it!" shouted Bald Jack

"What is?" 

"I think I just come up with our distraction!"

Bald Jack stood up on a table and began to speak in Korean to all of the guests.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Brave soldiers! Supreme Leader! What's a party without some quality music?"

He took K-pop Leon by the hand, lifting him up onto the table with him before continuing his speech

"For your enjoyment this evening, we bring you the greatest singer this country has ever produced, and the world has ever seen, for one night only... K-Pop Leon!"

He stepped down from the table and walked over to the bar where a karaoke system was set up, he threw the microphone to K-Pop Leon, connected his phone and began to play a backing track-only version of "Butter" by BTS. K-Pop Leon started to sing a cover of the popular song, better than even the original, captivating all of the audience who began to clap along to the beat, even Kim Jong-Un himself was captivated by the performance. 

Bald Leon used this opportunity to slip away into a side room, and from there he navigated to Kim Jong-Un's personal study. The room was similar to the office in which he had been interrogated earlier, only significantly smaller and with more personal items belonging to the supreme leader. He scanned the room, looking for a computer, and on the desk he found it. He opened the lid of the laptop to find it password protected. This was an issue until Bald Leon remembered the first chapter of the book in which it was stated he had partial omniscience, so he simply knew the password and logged in. From the home screen, he navigated to Facebook, which was already logged on. He did a quick search for President Joe Biden of the United States of America and sent him a friend request. The request was denied quickly, so Bald Leon sent another one. This time the request was accepted and followed quickly by a message;

Joe Biden: real?

Bald Leon read the message and sent back a reply

Kim Jong Un: Yes. Pic for ref

He grabbed the first picture of Kim off of google and sent it to Joe, who was now convinced that this truly was Kim Jong Un

Joe Biden: Just had to be sure, lots of fakers out there. What do you want Kim?

Kim Jong Un: It's time we sorted out our differences. There are too many threats in this world for us to be going to war with countries, so what say we get both get rid of our nukes and call it a day?

Joe Biden: you first.

Kim Jong Un: what if we do it at the same time?

Joe Biden: hmmm ok fine. on 3

Kim Jong Un: ok. 3

Joe Biden: 3

Kim Jong Un: 2

Joe Biden: 2

Kim Jong Un: 1 

Kim Jong Un: 1

Kim Jong Un: Joe?

Joe Biden: I knew you wouldn't do it

Kim Jong Un: You didn't either!

Joe Biden: Yeah cause I was waiting for you to do it. How do I know you wouldn't just fire them as soon as I disarmed

Kim Jong Un: I messaged you first! If I was looking for a fight I'd just shoot them without any warning

Joe Biden: Is that a threat?

Kim Jong Un: so what if it was?

Joe Biden: Oh I see how it is. You're gonna regret that

Joe Biden has disconnected

"Oh dear" said Bald Leon to himself

A few seconds later, alarms in the house begin to sound. The doors on the study fly open as soldiers and Kim himself enter the room.

"What are you doing in here? Never mind, I need to get on the phone with the UN, our early warning systems are saying that the USA is preparing to launch nukes, if they don't stand down, we are firing back! World War 3 has officially started!" Shouted a panicked Kim Jong Un 

Minutes passed as the US continued to prepare to fire, and North Korea did the same. Kim pressed his hand to his head with anxiety. 

"What are we going to do? I don't want to be remembered as the man who destroyed the world."

Bald Leon had an idea. 

"Supreme Leader, may I use your laptop for a minute? I can stop this" he asked

"Fine I'm willing to try anything"

Bald Leon sat down in front of the laptop and began to type frantically. He once again opened up the conversation with Joe Biden on Facebook.

*Kim Jong Un poked Joe Biden*

*Joe Biden Poked Kim Jong Un*

Joe Biden: Ready to surrender? 

Kim Jong Un: I have a better idea. Instead of Nukes why don't we settle this like men?

Joe Biden: What did you have in mind

*Kim Jong Un sent a game request: Let's play 8ball!*

Joe Biden: are you serious?

Kim Jong Un: Scared?

Joe Biden: Nah I will fuck you up on the pool table. Let's do this

As Bald Leon typed, the alarms disengaged. Kim Jong Un jumped with joy, and he began to shout commands at his men.

"Disengage nuclear weaponry, and whatever you are doing Bald Leon, Keep doing it! 

Bald Leon joined the 8-ball pool game and began to play harder than he ever did before. Joe Biden was a formidable opponent, potting 2 balls as soon as he broke the triangle, making his stripes. On his second shot, he potted another stripe, but accidentally potted a solid ball too, giving Bald Leon two shots. Bald Leon made an impeccable shot, potting 3 balls in one shot, putting him ahead of Joe. After a fumbled shot it was Joe's turn again, who potted one ball but was blocked in on his second shot, passing the play back to Bald Leon. The game was neck and neck, with the next few plays resulting in each player potting one ball and blocking their opponent's next shot. eventually, Joe had one ball left to the pot before Black, and Bald Leon had just the black left. Joe lined up his shot and potted the ball straight away, giving him the chance to win the game. In his cockyness, he tried to make a ricochet shot, resulting in the black just missing the hole. Bald Leon easily potted the last black ball, winning the game.

Kim Jong Un: GG

Joe Biden: GG

Kim Jong Un: So we cool now

Joe Biden: Ye. Let's open trade so we can get you in the G8 so we can play a game IRL, I'm much better IRL

Kim Jong Un: I will still kick your ass at it tho...

Joe Biden: haha We will see. We will see

*Joe Biden disconnected*

Bald Leon stood up and looked at Kim Jong Un. 

"Mr Jong-Un. I just won you world war 3"

The room erupted with cheers and shaking of hands. Shortly after this Bald Leon, Bald Jack and K-Pop Leon were paraded around North Korea, saviours of the country and the world. But when all the festivities were done, it was time to go home. The Agency had arranged the prisoner exchange with North Korea, but the team of three balds were not leaving as prisoners. they were leaving as heroes with free entry back into North Korea whenever they wanted. Kim Jong-Un travelled to the demilitarized zone with them to personally say goodbye to his newfound friends. They shook hands and crossed the line into South Korea smiling from ear to ear. Once they were in South Korea, they found Agent Davidson waiting for them, who was not smiling from ear to ear.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IDIOTS DO! THREE DEAD AGENTS! ONE IN AN UNREACHABLE INTERNMENT CAMP! YOU LOST A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR AIRCRAFT TO A POLITICAL ENEMY WHO IS NOW REVERSE ENGINEERING IT FOR THEIR OWN FLEET! YOU STARTED WORLD WAR THREE FOR GOD'S SAKE! DID YOU EVEN GET SKINWALKER LEON? AND WHO THE FUCK IS THE GUY WITH THE BOWL CUT?" he screamed

"Nah Skinwalker Leon wasn't there but this is the guy we were tracking, his name is K-Pop Leon and he's a good singer" calmy explained Bald Leon.

Upon hearing his name, K-Pop Leon also struck a pose. Agent Davidson was silent with seething rage.

"Just get on the fucking plane."

They flew back home and into the Agency compound where the Creator also scolded them for their sloppy work and jeopardising not only the operation to find Skinwalker Leon, but the stability of the global political system. K-Pop Leon was also taken from the pair for an interview elsewhere. Bald Jack offered to translate but the Creator refused, stating that they were not to interact with the 'prisoner'. Bald Leon and Bald Jack went back to there quarters, where Bald Jack then suggested they should go for a walk to the chippy outside. 

As they walked in quiet contemplation, something was troubling Bald Jack.

"Something isn't right. Once we brought him in, they started treating K-Pop Leon like he was a prisoner, but he didn't do anything wrong. Is it because he's a Bald?"

"Well no obviously not because I'm a Bald and they don't treat me any different. Moron" replied Bald Leon

"Do they? When we first got here they brought Bald Ben in against his will, they got you and me back in a prisoner exchange program but claimed that getting Shellshock back was impossible. Not to mention the guy we brought in from the last mission, I haven't seen him since we got off the plane, and no one has even brought him up!"

"Right well the issue with your theory there is that they let Bald Ben go, and more importantly, you aren't a bald, so why did they bring you back. and the pixel guy was dangerous, if not why did he run?"

"I don't know. Something just isn't sitting right. I think I'm going to use my reporting skills to sniff around and see if they really are legit."

"Listen Bald Jack, at the end of the day, the Creator is my grandad, and I trust my grandad. If you have an issue with that you can bring it up with me, but don't start accusing him of shit cause we will fall out"

"No I wouldn't accuse him, I'm worried for him. Say I'm right, and you and I are prisoners without even knowing it, what if he's in the same situation"

"This is just your head getting the best of you. Let's just get the chips and go home. If you are really that worried, I will ask about Jack O TV 240p and K-Pop Leon tomorrow, but wind your neck in now"

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