SHORT STORY: DOG LEAD MAN: A BATTLE AGAINST COMMUNISM
Comrade Cyka sat in his small, cramped office. The office had been his since the cold war, it had survived the fall of the Soviet Union, and so had he, and more importantly, his ideals. To continue his operations, he had made the difficult decision to hire mercenaries for certain tasks. He would have preferred to hire loyalists who believed in the cause, but most of them were hypocritical college students with neon-dyed hair who tweet about how much they despise capitalism from their $900 laptop while sipping their $5 coffee, and he despised that hypocrisy almost as much as he despised capitalism.
The tasks that required action in numbers would often mean he had to take on bounty hunters, who cared more about the money than the meaning, luckily for him and the prospective hunters, many of his attacks on capitalism often proved to be quite profitable, and as he had no need for the money beyond covering operation costs and maintenance, he was a desirable employer as he paid handsomely. However, their pay had proved to be not enough for a recent contract mission.
In the weeks prior, he had been alerted to the fact that a UK-based crimelord by the name of Quentin Russo had obtained possession of a USB device with very useful information. He had no idea what the data was specifically, but his spies had informed him that it could destabilise the trust that the people of the west had in their leaders within NATO, especially the English, and even better, the Americans. This sort of destabilisation was perfect, as distrust leads to discourse, discourse leads to action and action... action leads to revolution. He had dispatched the world's greatest mercenary, Dog Lead Man (AKA DLM), to recover the drive from the crimelord. Once Comrade Cyka had seen the news that there had been reports of a fire at a warehouse that he knew to be owned by Russo, and that no bodies had been recovered, he knew that DLM had been successful. But then DLM never arrived at the rendezvous point.
Comrade Cyka had given DLM specific instruction not to check the drive, and his missing of the rendezvous could only mean that he had disobeyed him, read the drive, and decided that it could not fall into Comrade Cyka's hands, after all, the fall of the global economy had to be bad for business.
Comrade Cyka knew now he had only one option. He was to recruit a team of mercenaries and lead them himself to recover the drive and kill DLM No single mercenary could defeat the legendary DLM, but he hoped that a team of fighters with skills close to his would suffice. For the job he chose Grenade Man, a man who had been known to create explosives for fun and would love the opportunity to test them on a skilled fighter. He also recruited a man who went by the code name "The Irishman", but Comrade Cyka had done some digging and found his real name, Bald Josef. Comrade Cyka knew that he could use this secret information against him if the job went south. Bald Josef wasn't particularly notorious in the world of mercenary work, but Cyka knew him to be a "bald", a being with strange and unpredictable abilities, this would be useful in fighting DLM. The final member of his team was the unpredictable and dangerous "Society Man". This was a man who endured living in a society for all of his life, His father was a Gamer, and his Mother was a cam girl, a dangerous mix which could turn any man insane. Society Man was known for extreme violence, so he too would be a valuable asset.
Once his team was assembled, Comrade Cyka spent an entire week chasing leads and known hideouts of DLM, until he was discovered, hiding out in Snowdonia National Park in Wales. Under the cover of darkness, Comrade Cyka and his team flew in with their stealth chopper, equipped with anti-radar technology to avoid detection from the nearby airbase. They landed near a small wooden hut, placed overlooking a valley within the mountains. Grenade Man approached the door to conduct one of his traditional pranks, the classic knock and run, with a twist. He knocked on the door and ran for cover, just as DLM opened the door and looked out into the night.
"Hello?" he shouted
He looked to his feet just in time to see the grenade on his doormat missing its pin. The explosion threw him back into the cabin, smashing through his kitchen. The four men outside stepped through the splintered door frame.
"Irishman, Society Man. Find the device" ordered Comrade Cyka.
The pair began to rifle through DLM's belongings, as Comrade Cyka and Grenade Man approached the unconscious bounty hunter who was lying face down on the tiled floor. Comrade Cyka turned DLM's body over with his foot. Comrade Cyka tilted his head in disappointment, he could have done this himself.
"Slit his throat" he ordered Grenade Man.
The Irishman and Society Man had made no progress in finding the USB stick, but the Irishman had made an interesting discovery.
"hey boss, take a look at this why don't ya? Some sort of special whip or somethin?" he said while holding up DLM's signature weapon.
"WAIT!" shouted Comrade Cyka
The Dog Lead electrocuted the Irishman as he attempted to brandish it correctly, as the handle of the lead was equipped with a fingerprint scanner to prevent theft, as soon as the Irishman's body hit the floor DLM kicked Grenade Man in the face, revealing he had been faking his unconsciousness the whole time. Grenade Man's limp body hit the floor a mere second after the Irishman, leaving three men standing in the hut. Society Man pulled a long knife from the sleeve of his tailored jacket and beckoned DLM forward. DLM grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen countertop and lept at Society Man, who began to swing wildly with his blade, each stab being blocked or deflected by the cast iron pan DLM used. Comrade Cyka unholstered his Makarov pistol, and pointed it at DLM, firing several shots. DLM dodged the first few and deflected the last with the cast iron pan into the shoulder of Society Man, who fell to the floor in pain. DLM then rushed Comrade Cyka, smashing his pistol holding hand with the pan, and then backhanding him with it, sending his body flying straight threw the glass window of the hut.
DLM stepped outside only to be met by the fist of Comrade Cyka, who had made a quick recovery. DLM tumbled down the slope into the valley, but Comrade Cyka stopped, pulling out a second Makarov and attempting to shoot the tumbling DLM. As his clip expired, Comrade Cyka tossed the side arm to the side and ran after DLM himself. DLM hit the trunk of a fallen tree, stopping his descent. He got to his feet just as Comrade Cyka tackled him over the log, and began to land punch after punch on DLM's head. DLM kicked Comrade Cyka off of him, then took off at full speed back up the hill, disturbing piles of rock and logs by kicking them, sending them cascading down the mountainside towards Comrade Cyka, slowing him down. DLM got back to the cabin, but Society Man was back on his feet, as well as Grenade Man. He expertly engaged the two of them in hand-to-hand combat, blocking Society Man's stabs and swerving Grenade Man's punches. He managed to deflect one of Society Man's stab attempts into Grenade Man's Chest, who screamed in pain as blood filled his lungs and spilt from his mouth. As society Man stepped back in brief shock, DLM took the chance to punch him in the face, knocking him out.
DLM looked around his cabin and noticed that the Irishman was missing, he stepped into his bathroom and found the Irishman there, holding a laptop. DLM kicked him in the head, knocking him to the ground, but the Irishman raised his hands and begged DLM to wait.
"I found the USB stick, and I took the chance to read through it since ya left it plugged into yer laptop. The shite on that will fuck up the Guinness production for years to come. We can't let that Ruski bastard get it. Truce?" he asked, holding out his hand
"Truce." replied DLM, helping the Irishman to his feet.
DLM grabbed his trusty Dog Lead, and stepped back into the cold night, this time accompanied by the Irishman. Comrade Cyka had made it back up the hill, and saw that he had been betrayed by one of his men.
"so little faith comrade. why do you betray me?" he asked the Irishman
"I saw what yer planning, It's not happening."
"and the others?"
"one dead, one down" replied DLM
Comrade Cyka looked up at the night sky in disbelief.
"well you know what they say in the motherland? вставьте смешную, но проницательную фразу о том, что вы не можете доверять другим делать свою работу здесь"
He rushed the pair, jumping into the air and kicking the Irishman in the chest, using him as a springboard to propel himself into DLM with a phenomenally powerful punch. DLM was quick to respond, whipping his Dog Lead out of its housing, and spinning it around his person, lashing at Comrade Cyka as he got close. The Irishman took this chance to get behind Comrade Cyka, striking him in the spine with a pair of knuckledusters he had clad himself with, taking Comrade Cyka by surprise as he dropped to his feet. DLM span his lead at the fallen Comrade Cyka, but Comrade Cyka rolled out of the way, making the lead whip at the Irishman's feet, who fell in pain. Cyka and DLM then once again rushed each other with Comrade Cyka gaining the upper hand and flooring DLM.
As he got to his feet, DLM saw that Comrade Cyka had taken off in the direction of the Cabin. He found Cyka in the bathroom, clutching the USB stick. DLM had to make a call and he whipped at Comrade Cyka's hand, destroying the device, and severing Comrade Cyka's pinky finger.
"BLYAT!" screamed Cyka, as he tossed two small explosive devices, one at the bathroom wall behind him, and another at DLM. He escaped out through the hole and to the helicopter, leaving the country and abandoning the operation.
The Irishman came running into the cabin, helping DLM to his feet.
"The Device? Did he get it?"
"No I destroyed it, It was better to lose the information than for it to fall into the wrong hands"
"Now the world will never know that the top level of government really are lizard people and that the two-party system utilised in the western democracy is just a fallacy created to split the people of each country into two divided factions, pitting them against each other in an 'us vs them' scenario where they fight their fellow man, despite likely being in the same socio-economic bracket instead of fighting the real enemy, the 1% power that be which controls most of the important aspects of there life and disguising it as laws for the people's safety. At least the production of Guinness won't be slowing down any time soon."
The Irishman's phone buzzed as he stood looking out over the valley
"Oh fuck that cunt Cyka fucking doxed me. what a fucking loser"
"Well if you need somewhere to stay I've got a few other safe houses, this once a bit fucked"
"What do we do with Society Man? and Grenade Man's body?"
"Bring Society Man with us, I'll handle the rest"
The Irishman carried Society Man's unconscious body to DLM's car that was waiting near the bottom of the hill. He threw him on the backseat and sat in the front awaiting DLM. When DLM arrived he got into the car and started driving.
"So what did you do with the body?" asked the Irishman.
He got his answer in the form of a giant explosion going off at the location that was once DLM's cabin.
"oh... well what do we do now?"
"Comrade Cyka has probably marked us both as kill on sight. So I say we take the fight to him, in a Battle Against communism!"
The car rode off into the sunrise as the shameless plug marked the dawn of a new day.
The end.
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