THE DISASTROUS TALE OF THE BALDS.
CHAPTER 3: THE VAULT
"So guys what do you think of the facility?" Asked Agent Davidson
"wowee this place is huge!" shouted Bald Jack
"isn't it just? So let's get you three settled in and give you a tour of the facility"
"erm actually, we didn't bring Bald Ben, he didn't want to come with us"
"oh, we know that. We had him picked up"
as Agent Davidson says this a man is wheeled in on a large hand truck. The man was a particularly fat man with a bag over his head, as well as a dirty white vest, which his belly and arm fat spewed out of the sides of.
Davidson looks at this sight in disgust and reprimands his men by saying "what the hell are you idiots doing! He's a guest, not a prisoner!" He rips the bag off of Bald Ben's head, and slices through the ropes binding his hand to the cart with a small combat knife. Once freed, Bald Ben punched Agent Davidson, before turning to fight the two guards who had bound him, but he found that Bald Leon had already used his super-speed to knock them out. The pair nod at each other, deciding a strategy without having to speak a word.
"Yalright Bald Leon"
"Yalright Bald Ben"
Bald Jack dives under his car as further guards pour into the room, guns drawn, pointed at the balds. Davidson gets to his feet, blood pouring from his nose, and once again has to shout "HOLD FIRE", The incoming guards oblige, and the two battling balds also hold off on continuing the battle. Davidson steps forward towards the balds, trying to broker peace.
"Now I know that you aren't too happy about how you were brought in Bald Ben, believe me, that was not what had been ordered"
"we're leaving" replied Bald Leon
"Wait this is all a big misunderstanding, please stay" he begged
"why should we?" asked Bald Leon
"Let's just say we've got a few exhibits in here you won't want to miss"
The two balds look at each other and then at Bald Jack still on the floor, reluctantly they agree to continue with the tour of the facility. Agent Davidson led them out of the loading area and deeper into the facility, eventually reaching an enormous metal vault door, fitted with what looked like a colossal captain's wheel from an old galleon or pirates ship, but made of metal. Agent Davidson stepped over to a small keypad and inputted a lengthy password. After the keypad emitted a little beep, the wheel began to slowly spin, and the door itself eventually swung open.
Bald Jack was in awe, but Bald Ben and Bald Leon thought that the lengthy and multilayered security was more for show than for use. The new room was a tall and neverending corridor, similar to a prison cell block, only pristine white and made of futuristic and smooth materials on the floors, walls and ceiling. each of the "cells" contained an artefact that the agency had collected. Bald Jack didn't recognise anything that they walked past, but Bald Leon and Bald Ben chatted to each other about nearly everything they passed. Some of these devices were highly advanced technology which had been recovered from archaeological digs around the world.
"I made that," said Bald Leon, pointing at a machine devised of a flat metal platform with a chair and a computer terminal in front of it.
The team of scientists looked up at hearing this, Agent Davidson also seemed surprised.
"What does it do?" a scientist asked
"Massage chair"
"Why does this button activate a function which makes a knife protrude from the seat of the chair into what would be the victims' buttocks?" asked one of the other scientists
"oh, that was to stop Ugg-Bugg from using it without asking. After he got the vasectomy from using it the first time, he always asked me to turn it on for him for his own safety" explained Bald Leon.
As they continued through the facility, passing more and more strange technologies, Bald Leon came to a realisation.
"I made most of these, why are you collecting my old technology? I thought most of this had just been lost to time, but it was here all along? Don't get me wrong, this isn't even a fraction of what I built, but you've almost got some of this stuff working."
Agent Davidson paused before turning to Bald Leon to explain. "I'm sure you've noticed that almost everything on this floor is either in working order or pretty close to it. The issue with reverse engineering, is since we aren't the creator, we have to guess what it's for, I mean that 'massage chair?' our best boffins thought it was a euthanasia machine. The further we go into our archive, the less developed the artefacts get, but the agency has been working on this stuff since the 50's, so many of our best technological developments in the western world have come straight from your creations. The internet? That's made using components from your walkie-talkies. the space race? never would have gotten to the moon if we hadn't used the sealant you developed for your swimming pool to keep all the air in the space suits. Submarines? we couldn't even make them change depth on command without the technology in your rubber ducks, our founder has dedicated his professional life to sniffing up your tech, and when he found out you'd come out the ice? He was thrilled"
"who is your boss?" asked Bald Leon
"you can meet him soon, he was very specific that you had to see all the work we've done first"
Bald Ben had used the time during Agent Davidson's speech to slip away from the group to explore the facility himself as he had gotten bored. He was looking for the nearest chippy because, in his mind, the staff would need somewhere to get their lunch, and logically, that cafeteria would be a chippy. eventually, he did find the staff cafeteria, but to his dismay, there was not a chip shop in site, he moved past the rows and rows of orange chairs and benches, and up to the counter, and stood behind the counter was a short elderly lady wearing a hair net and uniform.
"Chips" Bald Ben replied abruptly.
"certainly, what portion size would you like young man?"
"Chips. Now," he demanded while glaring at her
she began to serve up the chips onto a large plate. Once there were enough chips on the plate to be an entire meal on its own, she offered it up to Bald Ben.
"Keep going" he demanded.
The poor woman took back the plate and added even more chips to the pile, before handing it back to Bald Ben, who immediately snatched the plate and started to shovel fistfuls of potato into his open mouth.
"sir, usually you have to pay first, so if you could pay now that would be great!" the woman asked
"pay?" questioned Bald Ben
The pair looked at each other for a moment, before Bald Ben shoved her out of his way and sprinted out of the cafeteria. As he reached the entrance he did a quick u-turn, sprinting straight towards the woman who he knocked over a second time, and then began to shove the remaining chips into his pockets and mouth, before once again sprinting out of the cafeteria as fast as his rotund legs would carry him. As he tried to find his way back to the corridor where he left the group, he, unfortunately, and inevitably, got lost. He began to follow the endless maze of corridors and eventually stumbled into a room called "records". His curiosity got the better of him and he began to search through the alphabetically organised files. the A section was relatively small, but the B section covered several shelves worth of records. Upon further investigation, Bald Ben realised that almost all of these files in the B section were filed under "Bald". There were countless records on him and his friends, as well as many other Balds he'd met, and even some who he'd never even heard of. He carefully put back the files to not let anyone see that he had been in there, before carefully sneaking back out of the room.
Bald Leon, Bald Jack and Agent Davidson had reached the corridor opposite the records room, and just as they pass a small decorative plant, Bald Ben emerged from behind the plant and sneakily rejoined the group.
"Where'd you go?" Bald Leon whispered
"looking for scran, but found something worse. I don't like these guys" replied Bald Ben
they arrived at the end of the corridor with a sign above the door simply marked "the founder".
Agent Davidson opened the door and showed the three men into the office. The office didn't match anything else in the agency HQ, instead of the clinical white floors and walls, there was a thick red carpet, walls lined with bookshelves, a desk with a globe positioned in the corner, and a Bald Man Wearing a slick grey suit with his back to the door.
The man turned around to face the trio, he wore stylish black spectacles and had a short trimmed beard, similar to that worn by Bald Leon and The Master.
"Welcome to the Agency gentleman, my name, is The Creator"
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