THE MAGNIFICENT TALE OF THE BALDS
CHAPTER 16: THE PARTING OF THE BALDS
"Well... What happened" Asked Bald Jack
The group all stood in the Alatosh industries office in the aftermath of Julian's wish, waiting for something to happen.
"Nothing's changed..." Said Dog Lead Man
"and the pebble is still here" Pointed out Bald Leon
Julian stood, eyes wide staring down at the rock in his hands.
"I... I should have known that this was all bullshit... a rock that can give us the power to stop a god? How could I be so stupid" Said Julian
"I don't get it. The pebbles are supposed to be limitless when wielded correctly. You must have done something wrong" Gerkin said accusing Julian
"I know how to make a fucking wish monkey!" shouted Julian
"Oi don't talk to Gerkin like that, only I get to talk to Gerkin like that!" shouted Bald Ben
"Oh shut up you fucking reprobate, what the hell are you even doing here? you're just a fucking basement dwelling nice guy!" Julian shouted while prodding Bald Ben with his finger
Bald Jack began to protest "Guys guys! This is what Violin Man want's! If we argue between ourselves, how are we going to-"
Slider slammed Bald Jack over the head with a foldable metal chair, flooring him instantly and at the same time, Bald Ben punched Julian in the face. The group erupted into a brawl of infighting. Dog Lead Man tried to protect his employer, Julian, but before he could Bald Leon shoved him through a wall. Gerkin ran over to the unconscious Bald Jack to check if he was alright, while Slider slid over to Bald Ben as if the floor was ice and began to wallop him. There were no clear sides and the fight was brutal, eventually, Bald Leon turned to face Bald Ben.
"What did you punch Julian for you knobhead?" asked Bald Leon
"He was being mean to me. Why don't you ever take my side?" countered Bald Ben
"Cause your usually the knobhead in the situation" Bald Leon replied
The pair ran at each other and began to tangle. Bald Leon trying to thump Bald Ben on the top of his head, and Bald Ben trying to punch Bald Leon in his kidney. They were both blocking each other's attacks, perfect matches for each other, and they eventually wrestled to the ground, both trying to choke the other one out.
"GUYS! STOP IT!" Shouted the now recovered Bald Jack
everyone stopped fighting to listen to Bald Jack.
"Julian can't help it if the pebble didn't work for him for whatever reason, there's no need to have a go at him for it. and Slider! I don't know why you hit me with that chair but it really, really hurt, and I've got a lump growing on my head now. Julian! you need to calm down! I know you're scared of Violin Man and the threat he poses, we all are! But you don't shout at your friends like that!"
Julian stared at Bald Jack in disbelief "Friends? Do you think we're all friends here? Dog Lead Man is my employee, and he is the only one of you I would call something even close to a friend. I met Slider and Bald Leon when they destroyed my property. My company has been working with the crown prosecution service for months trying to get concrete evidence on Bald Ben, That guy is a fucking talking monkey and you? I just find you insufferably happy. Your optimism is revolting, when are you going to grow up and see the world as it is? Before this week my world was a cold, dark place, that only made sense when I made it, and then I met you idiots and it's still a cold, dark place, but there's now some guy who killed MY FATHER, and he is only here because of those two idiots! My dad is dead because you couldn't just be FUCKING NORMAL. Dog Lead Man, we're going back to London to work this case ourselves, no more of this magic fucking healing quartz pebbles bullshit. Slider, as a gesture of goodwill, the offer's there if you want a lift back down south, the terms of it are that after I give you the lift I never see you again. The rest of you, those same terms stand, but I'm not giving any of you a lift anywhere. If any of you get in my way, I'll have you arrested."
Julian turned around and threw the pebble onto a nearby desk and then left without another word, Dog Lead Man following behind him. Slider looked at the remaining Balds before following Julian and Dog Lead Man out the door.
"This is all your fault Bald Leon!" said Bald Ben, he then picked up a stapler and threw it through a nearby glass window, stepping out of it.
"What do we do now Bald Leon?" asked Bald Jack with Gerkin sitting on his shoulder.
Bald Leon just stood staring at the pebble on the desk. Not even he with his vast knowledge could understand why the pebble hadn't worked. As they all stood in silence, a single word from a slow and croaky voice broke the silence.
"fight"
The trio turned to see the source of the voice, it was Bald Ollie.
"Jesus christ have you just been stood there the whole time? You usually disappear by now" said Gerkin
"What did you say?" asked Bald Leon
Bald Ollie simply stood staring at Bald Leon
"Did you say fight?" Bald Leon asked again.
Bald Ollie slowly outstretched his open hand, but before anyone could put money into his palm as a tip as they usually do, his fingers slowly closed, and his thumb stretched out. He turned his wrist, forming a thumbs up with his hand.
"He thinks we should fight? Why should we trust him, that's the first time he's spoken ever" asked
Gerkin
"The legend of Bald Ollie is almost as old as time itself. He was the second entity The Master ever created, after duplicates of himself. It's believed that Bald Ollie's memory contains the key to all of history" explained Bald Leon
"So he's a pretty reliable source?" asked Bald Jack
"Absolutely" said Bald Leon
Bald Leon reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, marked as a coupon for "1 Jabberwocky". He placed it into Bald Ollie's hand, who let out the slightest of smiles.
"Turn around everyone, He's said what he needed to say" said Bald Leon
They all turned around as they were asked and when they looked back, Bald Ollie was gone. Bald Jack grabbed the pebble off of the desk, and they all walked out of the building.
"Where do we go now Bald Leon" asked Bald Jack
"Let's go my house and work out what's what" he replied.
They walked to Bald Leon's house. It was the first time Bald Leon had been home in a long time, after having his globetrotting adventure collecting the pebbles, so when he began to walk up his garden path he was concerned by the lack of filth coating his house. Bald Leon didn't pay for window cleaners because he didn't believe in them and instead washed his windows himself, but his windows were spotless despite him not being home in a long time. His grass in the front garden was also well maintained, and the bins had been put out for bin day. He got to his front door and put the key in the lock, it turned just as normal, but when he walked into his living room there was a man sat on his couch with long dark brown hair and a moustache watching 'Go Diego! go!'.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE" Shouted Bald Leon
"Ai Ai Ai! me asustaste gilipollas! ¿Por qué estás irrumpiendo en la casa así, eh? ¿Estás tratando de darme un ataque al corazón?" Said the intruder
"What?" asked Bald Leon, not understanding a word of Spanish
The intruder let out a sigh "por supuesto que el gringo no entiende español. YOU BALD LEON?"
"Yes I'm Bald Leon, who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?" demanded Bald Leon
"ME, MEXICAN BALD LEON. Voy a la escuela por ti y mantengo buenas notas. Deberías estar agradecido, por mí eres casi un físico forense." explained the imposter, Mexican Bald Leon
"wait did you say something about fisico forense... isn't that forensic physics... have you been going to school for me?" asked Bald Leon
"Si, top of class" explained Mexican Bald Leon
"Ok, but why?" asked Bald Jack
"porque es divertido" answered Mexican Bald Leon
"ok well you are no longer needed. get out my gaff, I've got work to do. thanks for doing the work for me" said Bald Leon while escorting Mexican Bald Leon out of his house.
"Estaré ahí para ti cuando me necesites. cuando llegue el momento, tomaré las armas por tu causa. somos hermanos de armas y lucharemos hasta llegar al Valhalla, amigo mío." said Mexican Bald Leon
"Yeah right well I still don't speak Spanish so bye fuck off now" replied Bald Leon, ushering Mexican Bald Leon out of the door.
"That was weird." said Gerkin
"Yeah but it meant I didn't have to go to school so I'm not arsed. Why did the pebble work for all of us but not for Julian? Bald Jack you wished for stamps right? is the stamp book all correct?" asked Bald Leon
"Yep! full collection of flowers stamps from 1965 to 1989! some very valuable stamps in here."
"and I got my wish too. so there's no reason why it shouldn't have worked for Julian. it worked for people who didn't go in the mindscape so why not now?" asked a perplexed Bald Leon
Gerkin made a suggestion. "What if we try and summon The Master and ask him?"
"Maybe he would tell us, the issue is my space phone doesn't get signal here, we would have to go to the phone mast and plug my phone in to boost it. but I'm not taking both the pebbles out in public. it was risky enough taking the gay pebble with us when we were getting the desire pebble" said Bald Leon
"Maybe he would tell us, the issue is my space phone doesn't get signal here, we would have to go to the phone mast and plug my phone in to boost it. but I'm not taking both the pebbles out in public. it was risky enough taking the gay pebble with us when we were getting the desire pebble" said Bald Leon
"Well maybe you and I could go and Bald Jack could stay here and guard the pebbles" suggested Gerkin.
"That sounds like a good idea to me" said Bald Jack
Bald Leon paused for a moment to consider what their options were, but he couldn't think of any better ideas.
"Fine. Bald Jack don't ruin my house, Come on Gerkin let's go and make this call. Here's the Gay pebble" Bald Leon said as he handed the pebble to Bald Jack
Gerkin ran down Bald Jack's shoulder and climbed onto Bald Leon's and the pair then walked out the door to try and find some answers. Bald Jack sat down on Bald Leon's couch and turned on the TV, but before he could even get comfortable there was a knock on the door. Bald Jack walked to the door and opened it.
"I'm sorry this isn't my house I'm just house-sitting for my friend while he's out. would you like me to take a message for you?" asked Bald Jack
"No. But I can take those pebbles instead"
Bald Jack looked up to see the strangers face. Stood looming over him was the worst person to ever be at Bald Leon's door. Violin Man had found him.
"V-Violin Man? I.. I don't know what your talking about" stuttered a terrified Bald Jack
"The pebbles emit a very specific frequency. A frequency that the strings of my Violin can detect and trace. That's how I found the horny pebble before any of you idiots. As soon as the Desire pebble entered this realm, I knew exactly where it was. for example, now it's in your back left pocket. Now don't lie to my Bald Jack. I've been looking into you, and according to your prison records, honesty is a very important thing for you. Now... Give. Me. The. Pebble"
Bald Jack stood trembling in fear. He reached into his back pocket, and slid the pebble out of it. He carefully and slowly placed it into Violin Man's hand, hoping that every second he stalled would be a chance for Bald Leon and Gerkin to get back and help him. Luckily for Bald Jack, there was someone else looking for him.
"Bald Jack! You are in violation of your parole terms! You are under arrest" shouted Bald Jack's parole officer
"Help me! This guy's trying to steal my pebbles" shouted Bald Jack.
Violin Man turned to the officer and grabbed his violin, playing a few quick notes to fire energy at the policeman. By sheer chance, the officer was able to dive over the bush and out of the way, and in the time it took Violin Man to turn around and do this, Bald Jack had ran inside and slammed the door.
"Officer under fire requesting immediate backup on my location ASAP, suspect is heavily armed and dangerous" shouted the officer into his radio.
Violin Man continued to fire off quick sudden notes, but with a very short amount of time, the SWAT team had arrived armed with machine gun's. They surrounded Violin Man, pointing there MP5 submachine gun's straight at him
"POLICE! HANDS ABOVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD NOW! DROP THE VIOLIN" shouted one of them
Violin Man simply smirked, before tucking and rolling forward, playing a tune on his violin as he moved. The SWAT team opened fire, but to their dismay, the tune that Violin Man had played had created a shield around his person, causing the bullets to impact the invisible shield, crumpling as if they had hit concrete, before dropping to the floor inert. Violin Man added another layer of strings to his tune, allowing him to keep up the shield while also returning fire. He tapped into the power of the warrior pebble, giving his sonic blasts the power to vaporise each of the officers the targetted energy blasts hit, turning each of them into dust one by one. Eventually, only Bald Jack's parole officer remained. He crawled for one of the guns dropped by the SWAT team, but before he could grab it, Violin Man grabbed him by his neck and lifted him into the air.
"Pathetic..." said Violin Man, before squeezing the officers neck, and dropping his body.
Violin Man turned to face the house, he kicked the door in and marched upstairs where he found Bald Jack cowering in the bathroom.
"Give me the pebble Jack. Sharing is caring"
Bald Jack offered up the pebble to Violin Man, who took it and tipped it into his violin with all of the other pebbles he had gathered. A surge of energy surrounded him as he became empowered by all of the pebbles. He turned and walked down the stairs with a smirk on his face.
"I win"
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