THE MAGNIFICENT TALE OF THE BALDS
CHAPTER 12: HARD KNOCK LIFE
The events that had resulted in Bald Jack being incarcerated were rather peculiar. Being in the firm belief that all debts should be paid, Bald Jack's conscience could not allow there to be an unpaid debt to society. When he had learned of Bald Ben and Bald Leon's numerous crimes, and even being involved in some of them by no fault of his own, the crushing guilt forced him to go to his nearest police station and confess. He confessed to being present at the airport when a bald-headed man escaped confinement after bringing a sword on board. He confessed to going to the houses of the victims of the infamous 'sweet caroline killer', he even confessed to owning a car that had been parked in a no-parking zone for so long that the parking tickets against it had surpassed the national debt (Bald Leon had borrowed Bald Jack's car and forgot where he parked it).
The police practically begged Bald Jack to give up the real criminals, as it was clear to them that he was not the perpetrator of these crimes and that was why he was only saying he was present. This was partially true, as the real reason that Bald Jack was not saying he did the crimes was that he truly hadn't, but his conscience couldn't handle it if he lied about it, even to get himself off of a charge. But he also didn't want to get his friends in trouble either, so he wasn't prepared to say that they did the crimes he had admitted to. When the case went to court, he was handed the maximum sentence that was applicable, life in prison. Because of the incident at the airport that he had been found guilty of (despite not being there), he was carted off to one of the UK's most maximum-security prisons.
When Bald Jack arrived at the prison he found it refreshingly enjoyable. Once again his life had routine and security. Since knowing the Balds his life had been pure chaos, so knowing exactly when he was supposed to eat, sleep, and work was a nice change. One of the drawbacks to prison life was having no contact with his friends. He struggled to make new friends in prison, as everyone he approached simply threatened to kill him. The prison truly was a dog eat dog society. He did manage to make friends with some of the inmates without gangs, creating a kind of outcasts faction. Jack also found that his life became easier when he co-operated with the guards, and he couldn't understand why so many of his fellow inmates were refusing to do this.
One day Bald Jack was discreetly called up to the warden's office for their weekly tea and biscuits meeting. Jack didn't know it, but he had unwittingly become one of the most prolific undercover informants that the prison had ever had, snitching on everyone for almost everything as he told the warden about the kind of day he had been having, and of course, because of there weekly meetings in which Jack spilt the beans on something almost every time, crime from within the prison had almost halved.
"So I was in the bathroom with my buddy Jimmy no teeth, you know the one? the one who had his teeth smashed in by Vlad the burner. Oh, you didn't know? Well yeah that guy. anyway me and Jimmy were in the toilets and Jimmy must have had some kind of nasal condition because he kept sniffing this white powder that must be to clear his nose, and while we were in there these other guys came in and started taking apart the mirror on the outside wall. They told me that they'd been given the job of taking apart the mirror to make a doorway into the courtyard and that they'd been working on this doorway for years. Anyway, when they got the mirror off the wall would you believe it they'd already made the hole big enough for someone small to squeeze through. so they asked me to go through it so that I could help them and make it bigger from the other side, and when we had finished that they put the mirror back over the new doorway and said that they needed to grab their supplies before heading outside tomorrow. Now, this sounded strange to me because if I remember correctly I was told you aren't allowed to leave prison, so I don't know why they had been given the exception, but I know that I certainly hadn't and that I had to get back inside A S A P. But yeah I just thought you should know that the hole they had been told to make doesn't actually go to the courtyard, it goes outside! You wouldn't want any of us to accidentally walk off and get in trouble now would we hahaha" Monologued Bald Jack.
The warden had been taking detailed notes of everything that Bald Jack had said, when he finished jotting them down he pressed the microphone button on his desk phone and spoke into it.
"Guards to cell B7. escape in progress" said the Warden before turning on the siren to initiate a Lockdown of all prisoners.
"Before you go back to your cell Inmate Bald Jack, I must know, why didn't you just run away? any other prisoner with half a brain and a quarter of your sentence would have taken that chance"
"Well gee that sounds illegal to me. I've never broken a law in my life and I don't plan on starting that malarky now. I'm a good person." Explained Bald Jack.
"Then why are you here?"
"Well I know the people who did actually do the crimes, they're my friends, but because I wouldn't tell the police that because I didn't want them to get in trouble, but SOMEBODY had to pay this debt to society, Since my buddies were out of the country so I couldn't persuade them to do it, I thought it'd be best if I just did it myself."
"So you do actually know the people who committed these disgusting, heinous crimes? And you just sacrificed your freedom for all this time because you thought someone had to? Well Bald Jack I have a proposition for you, how would you like to be released from prison right now, and then when you go and see your friends we will give you a wire and you just have to get them to admit to the crimes while your recording, it'll be just like our little meetings but without the tea and biscuits"
"I Dont know if I could do that to my friend's sir. A man is only as good as his word, and I promised myself that I wouldn't get them in trouble. So I'm sorry but I don't think I can help you." "That's ok, Tell you what, how about I release you anyway, but on Parole, so we will let one of our parole officers hang out with you, Just like you and me do, and you can introduce your new friend to your old friends? Does that sound better to you?" Said the warden, concealing his true plan from the naive and trusting Bald Jack
"That'd be lovely sir!"
"good! I'm glad you agree," Said the Warden. He called for one of the guards to come and collect Bald Jack. "Officer Winslow here will take you to the reception to get your possessions back, then we will introduce you to your parole officer and you are free to go!"
The Wardens brilliant plan was for Bald Jack to introduce the parole officer to the elusive Bald Ben and Bald Leon that there had been rumours of in the criminal underworld. As soon as either of those two Bald lunatics confessed to the crimes, they would both be brought into custody and be locked away for many, many years.
Bald Jack got to the lockup and was given back his few meagre possessions. They handed him back his phone, watch and wallet. and introduced him to his parole officer.
"Howdy friend!" said a jolly Bald Jack, putting his hand out for a handshake.
The probation officer rudely ignored him.
The Warden came from the prison gates to shake Bald Jack's hands and wish him well before Bald Jack got onto the prison bus. Bald Jack sat down near the front with his probation officer sitting on the parallel adjacent seat.
"So where are we taking you pal?" asked the bus driver
Jack thought for a moment before giving his answer. "Intro town please, I want to go back to my house, before I went into prison my wife and our kids had gone to centre parks, It's been about a year since then now, so it'll be nice to see them"
"That sounds nice, we will take you straight there"
The parole officer began to stare at Bald Jack, looking him up and down.
"I don't trust you. I know that you are in cahoots with the guys I'm meant to be looking out for, so don't think for a second that I'll believe anything you tell me. If I had my way, you'd still be locked up in there where you belong!" Said the Parole officer.
"I don't know why they let me go either, but if the warden thinks the debt has been paid then I guess we shouldn't question him," Said Bald Jack, ignoring the Parole officers threats towards his friends.
They arrived outside Bald Jack's house, and strangely, there were already two cars parked outside. Jack recognised one of them to be his wife, but the other red sporty model? He had no idea. He walked up the drive and knocked on the door, but nobody answered, so Jack fumbled around for his house key, and slid it into the lock. He walked inside and shouted hello, but got no reply, so he guessed everyone must be out. He walked into his living room and found a man lying asleep on his sofa with the TV on full volume.
"HEY! Who the heck are you!" Shouted Bald Jack pointing at the intruder
The intruder jolted awake at the shouting and looked Bald Jack up and down.
"Honey! Get the bat! There's a burglar!" Shouted the Man
Amanda ran into the room from a side door and tossed the bat to the man who raised it to swing for Bald Jack, Just before he swung, however, Amanda shouted
"WAIT! That's Jack!" She shouted
The man lowered the bat and smiled, raising his hand to shake Bald Jack's hand. Jack was very confused but slowly raised his hand to shake it.
"Nice to finally meet you, Jack, I've been looking after Amanda for a while now and she's told me a bit about you" Jack stared at the man, and back at his wife.
"Amanda? What is this?" Bald Jack asked
"Well... Jack you were gone. So many people thought you were dead, or worse! and Bill here was there for me, and well..." Amanda raised her hand to show her ring finger, and there was a gold wedding band on it. Jack looked closer and realised something. It wasn't the ring he had put on her finger all those years ago. He looked at the stranger, Bill, and looked at his hand to see the matching wedding band.
"You... You cheated on me?" Jack asked
"no of course not. You were declared legally dead because no one could find you, but I guess it turns out you just stopped using your real name and started using that stupid Bald Jack name. So our marriage was annulled and officially I became a widow but... I Remarried" She explained
Jack was floored by the news, falling onto the sofa and beginning to cry. He had truly lost everything, and Jack Smith was officially and legally dead.
"I- I need to see the kids," He said sternly
Amanda looked at him and sighed. "I don't think that's for the best. You're in no state to see them, and it took them a long time to accept that you were gone. I don't want to open that wound for them and I don't think you do either. You can't see them today. Maybe another time, but we should keep in touch" She said while opening the living room door.
"You-You're kicking me out? This is my house" He begged.
"Not anymore I'm afraid, and besides there's nowhere that you could sleep, we're having to go on the couches while the babies room is being made up"
"The baby?" Jack asked
"Yes. Bill and I are pregnant" Amanda explained
Bill stepped over to Jack, putting his hand on his shoulder.
"Listen, pal, you seem like a nice guy, but you need to let your ex-wife and your kids move on. I'm going to have to ask you to leave my house" He commanded
"Yeah... Yeah fine... Congratulations" He replied
Bald Jack walked back out into the rain where the Parole officer was still waiting to be invited in after Jack had reunited with his family.
"Where are you going?" He asked as Bald Jack began to walk down the street.
"Oh... She's... She's not my wife anymore" Bald Jack explained.
"Well that's a shame. We better get you into a hostel or something, come on" Commanded the Parole officer. Jack looked back at his house as he began to be driven away, hoping to see Amanda or even one of the kids waving him off, but the curtains stayed pulled together. He put his head into his lap and began to cry even harder.
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