THE MAGNIFICENT TALE OF THE BALDS
CHAPTER 1: THE MAN WITH THE VIOLIN
A man stands at the rim of the crater, wearing a dark brown duster coat and brandishing a Violin. This man had long greying hair and "Zappa" style facial hair. He stared down into the crater deep in thought.
"So, this is where the straightener happened" whispered Violin Man To himself. he looks around at all the destruction, as far as the eye could see.
Violin man thoughts dwelled on the past, over 10 million years ago, the apocalypse happened, The single biggest event in Earth's history, the event that ended Earth's history. Society had collapsed and had never been able to rebuild. no one knew how many humans were left, but they were in small scattered tribes across the few habitable places on the planet. Somehow, Ground zero for the apocalypse ended up being one of these safe zones, like the eye of a storm that will never end.
Very few people knew what the apocalypse actually was, as communication was cut of globally soon afterwards, but had put the earth into a state even before the stone age.
As Violin man thought on his history, a figure began to descend from the sky. It appeared to be a man. The man's polished leather shoes touch the ground. He was wearing a pristine three-piece white suit, Violin man didn't believe that colours could get this white, as in his lifetime, everything had been made a tint of brown or grey.
The godly figure opened his mouth to speak. "Alright, I'm The Master”.
"you’re the guy who wanted me to come out here?" replied Violin Man.
"Yes, I created this universe before time even began, twice actually haha, but one of them was an accident." stated The Master. "I'm basically your god"
Violin Man stares at the Deity.
"I'm not a religious person, But I know that no all-loving all-powerful God would allow THIS to happen," he said, gesturing towards the crater.
"Yeah, this wasn't really something I planned, I was having a smoke break, and when I looked back the world was all fucked" explained The Master, "I've sort of been procrastinating fixing it"
"FOR 10 MILLION YEARS?" Shouted Violin Man.
"yeah, it was a big ciggie, so wind your neck in or I’ll leave it for another 10 million" responded The Master bluntly.
The master looks out towards the crater, although it was unclear what emotions he was feeling as he stared at the destruction.
“My son Bald Leon and his friend Bald Ben done all this. They destroyed the world having a fight because someone drank the last drop of coke in their tin, turns out they misplaced it”.
"You're telling me that the world ended because some dumbass and some shithead didn't get the last drop of a fucking soda?" asked Violin Man about to lose his cool.
"Nah, cause they just misplaced the tin, so neither of them got to finish it and just blamed the other, pretty funny really haha" confirmed The Master.
Violin Man brandished his instrument and started swinging it at The Master in a fit of rage.
"You think this is funny!" screamed Violin Man.
The Master avoided every strike with ease before back-handing Violin Man onto some nearby rocks.
Violin Man jumped to his feet and picked up his instrument, however instead of swinging it, he began to play it, each time he plucked a string, supersonic blasts of energy were emitted from the neck of the instrument.
“I see you're quite handy with a violin”. Observed The Master as he deflected the energy effortlessly.
Without even pausing his attack, Violin man retorted "Well the few people I come across say I'm amazing" boasts Violin Man.
The arrogant warrior continues to attempt to battle the god, The Master only counters his attacks and does not return fire.
The Master grows tired of the pointless battle and with a wave of his hand, he disarms Violin Man.
"Enough" The Master calmly states. "I Haven't come here to fight you, I've come here to recruit you. As you said, I can't let the earth carry on being this fucked, but I'm not just the God of Earth, plus I'm busy smoking a lot of the time, so I'm going to give you the power to fix the World."
"How?" asks Violin Man, desperate to change the world for the better at any cost.
"I'm sending you on a quest to get the forever pebbles" reveals The Master "The Forever Pebbles are these artefacts I made that will give their users immense power"
"kinda sounds like the infinity stones" pointed out Violin Man
"Right, first of all, you're a scavenger who lives in the year 10 million, so there's no way you've heard of the Avengers, Second of all, They're an item used for Parody purposes, so calling them the forever pebbles falls under fair use, like how the movie "Space Balls" is allowed to exist even though it's basically, just Star Wars" Explained The Master
"Whatever you say, pal, I'm not a Lawyer," said Violin Man
"That's all well and good, but you never know when a Lawyer working for someone could be listening, and they may even be willing to ignore Section 107 of the US Copyright law, notwithstanding the provisions of sections 106 and 106A." explained The Master to Violin man, although he was really talking to you, the reader, to cover me, the writer from being sued by a company that has a name that rhymes with "Pissney".
Violin Man stared at The Master, completely suspending his disbelief at the colossal fourth wall break that had just occurred in front of him.
“Anyway, you stick The Forever Pebbles in your Violin and you'll get the power of each stone. I can tell you where the time pebble is so that you can go back in time and stop Bald Leon and Bald Ben from destroying the world, you shouldn't need any more of the pebbles because you are already a proficient warrior, The time Pebble is specifically to get you back into the past”
"Alright,” Violin man agrees “Where is it".
The Master begins to float into the air explaining the plan to Violin Man
"Go to the WHSmith’s ruins and find the Lift shaft there. Put it in your Violin and play a song and you will be transported back in time to 2018 around when Those two first met. If you follow the plan you can stop them from losing the last drop of coke and stop the apocalypse, whatever you do, don't drink the coke".
The Master then looks up and ascends from the crater, flying off into deep space.
Violin Man had been left with many questions. How could a God allow this to happen if he is all-powerful? why would he only give Violin Man one of the pebbles? was he not worthy of holding greater power?
He headed back to his makeshift home before he set out on his quest to get the time pebble.
He put on his tight leather jacket, leather pants, leather shirt, leather socks, hat, and sunglasses, combs back his long grey hair, tucks his Violin into its custom holster, and marched his way to WHSmith’s.
He walked through the brown, baron broken city till he finds the WHSmith’s, over time the earth's plates had shifted, meaning that the shop had split open and was almost entirely destroyed. He climbed through the smashed window to get inside and begins to navigate the treacherous aisles to get to the back of the store where the lift was. he came across a large chasm in the floor, and dived across it, barely grabbing the top of the floor to pull himself up.
He found the lift, gleaming like a treasure and strangely in perfect condition. He opened the hatch where the buttons are and there it was. The time pebble.
He placed the Pebble into the neck of his instrument and began to play.
"see you in a minute," he said, a reference just vague enough that it would be counted as fair use.
As he began to play the tune, the world around him began to disintegrate and fall away as he finds himself in a void between times, and as he reached the end of his song, everything around him was rebuilt magically.
When he finished his song, he could hear a crowd of people applauding him, a sound that he found strange as there weren't this many people to gather in his time. He looked at a diary on a nearby shelf labelled "2018".
"I did it" he gasped in disbelief.
He stepped out of WHSmiths and took in the cleanest breath of air he had ever tasted. He saw the city restored to how it was in 2018. A tear leaked out of his eye as he viewed his home restored. by his standards, this was a utopia. He swore to himself that he must prevent the future he knew, and he would go to any length to complete his self-imposed task.
"I know what I must do," he says to himself.
"I must kill the Balds"
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